Top 10 Signs that Narcissist is Devaluing You

10 Signs of Narcissistic Devaluation

10signs of narcissistic devaluation and discard

Being in a relationship with a narcissist can be emotionally draining and debilitating. They often go through a cycle of idealization, devaluation, and finally, discard. 

This article will explore the signs that you may be experiencing the devaluation and discard phase of a relationship with a narcissist. 

Understanding these warning signs can help you protect yourself and make informed decisions about your well-being.

Narcissist Devaluation

The narcissist’s devaluation phase is basically devaluing you by starting to treat you poorly after making you feel really special in the beginning. 

They might become mean, distant, or critical. They do this to control you, which makes them feel better, and to keep you feeling unsure about yourself. 

It’s like they want to bring you down so they can feel more powerful. If you notice this happening in a relationship, it could mean you’re in a devaluation phase.

How to Find If you are Devalued by Narcissists?

To find a narcissist’s devaluation, pay attention to how they treat you. If they used to be nice but now they’re mean, distant or show any narcissistic red flags, that’s a sign. On analysing these patterns where the narcissists try to devalue you, you can conclude that you are in the devaluation phase with them.

The following are the Devaluation red flags/signs of a narcissist,

1. Emotional and Verbal Abuse

One of the clear indications of devaluation is when the narcissist starts to pick at you, insult you, and put you down. They may constantly make fun of you or belittle your accomplishments. 

This emotional and verbal abuse is aimed at demoralizing you, making you feel unworthy, and ensuring that you never speak up when they violate your boundaries. 

Recognizing this behaviour as a sign of devaluation is crucial for your self-esteem and mental health.

2. Projecting Insecurities onto You

Narcissists often struggle to face and process their own negative emotions. As a result, they project their flaws, fears, and insecurities onto their partners. This projection is a defence mechanism to deflect their uncomfortable feelings.

They will make you believe that you possess these negative qualities, further eroding your self-worth. It’s important to remember that their projections are not a reflection of who you truly are.

3. Lack of Accountability

In a healthy relationship, both partners take responsibility for their actions. However, narcissists rarely own up to their behaviour. When you express your concerns or confront them about something that upsets you, they may dismiss your feelings and tell you that you are overreacting. 

This lack of accountability is a red flag that you are being devalued and manipulated.

4. Withdrawal and Isolation

As the devaluation phase progresses, narcissists may withdraw emotionally and physically. They may become distant and show a lack of interest in spending time with you or engaging in activities together. 

This withdrawal is a tactic to make you feel isolated, insecure, and dependent on them for validation. Recognizing this pattern can help you break free from their control.

5. Intense Criticism and Nitpicking

During the devaluation stage, narcissists often engage in excessive criticism and nitpicking. They may find fault with everything you do or say, no matter how trivial. 

This constant criticism is meant to diminish your confidence and self-esteem. It’s important to remember that their criticism is not a reflection of your worth or abilities.

6. Manipulative Behavior

Narcissists are skilled manipulators. They may use various tactics to control and manipulate you during the devaluation phase. These manipulative behaviours can include gaslighting, guilt-tripping, love-bombing followed by withdrawal, and playing mind games. 

Recognizing these manipulative tactics can empower you to break free from their toxic influence.

7. Lack of Empathy and Compassion

One of the defining traits of narcissism is a lack of empathy and compassion. During the devaluation phase, narcissists may become even more callous and indifferent towards your feelings and needs. 

They are unable to truly understand or care about your emotions, doing so becomes beyond their capacity as their primary focus is on their desires and self-image.

8. Triangulation and Jealousy

Narcissists thrive on attention and admiration. As the devaluation stage progresses, they may become increasingly jealous of your skills, strengths, and experiences. They may start comparing you to others, creating a competitive rivalry within the relationship. 

This triangulation and jealousy are meant to assert their dominance and undermine your self-confidence, ultimately solidifying their control over you and fostering a sense of insecurity.

9. Discarding and Hoovering

The discard phase occurs when the narcissist decides to end the relationship or discard you emotionally. They may abruptly stop contacting you or not explain their absence. 

This sudden withdrawal is often followed by periods of hoovering, where they attempt to draw you back into the relationship using manipulative tactics and false promises. Recognizing this pattern can help you break free from the toxic cycle.

10. Trusting Your Intuition

One of the most important signs of devaluation and discard is your intuition. If you feel that something is off or that the relationship is unhealthy, trust your instincts. 

Your intuition can guide you towards recognizing the red flags and protecting yourself from further emotional harm by prompting you to reevaluate the dynamics and prioritize your well-being.


Experiencing devaluation and discard in a relationship with a narcissist can be emotionally devastating. Recognizing the warning signs is crucial for your well-being and can help you make informed decisions about your future. 

Remember, you deserve to be in a healthy and loving relationship where your needs and boundaries are respected. Trust your intuition, seek support from trusted friends and professionals, and prioritize your happiness and self-care.


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