sartaj manikandan, Author at UDANTE

sartaj manikandan

10signs of narcissistic devaluation and discard

10 Signs of Narcissistic Devaluation

Being in a relationship with a narcissist can be emotionally draining and debilitating. They often go through a cycle of idealization, devaluation, and finally, discard.  This article will explore the signs that you may be experiencing the devaluation and discard phase of a relationship with a narcissist.  Understanding these warning signs can help you protect yourself and make informed decisions about your well-being. Narcissist Devaluation The narcissist’s devaluation phase is basically devaluing you by starting to treat you poorly after making you feel really special in the beginning.  They might become mean, distant, or critical. They do this to control you, which makes them feel better, and to keep you feeling unsure about yourself.  It’s like they want to bring you down so they can feel more powerful. If you notice this happening in a relationship, it could mean you’re in a devaluation phase. How to Find If you are Devalued by Narcissists? To find a narcissist’s devaluation, pay attention to how they treat you. If they used to be nice but now they’re mean, distant or show any narcissistic red flags, that’s a sign. On analysing these patterns where the narcissists try to devalue you, you can conclude that you are in the devaluation phase with them. The following are the Devaluation red flags/signs of a narcissist, 1. Emotional and Verbal Abuse One of the clear indications of devaluation is when the narcissist starts to pick at you, insult you, and put you down. They may constantly make fun of you or belittle your accomplishments.  This emotional and verbal abuse is aimed at demoralizing you, making you feel unworthy, and ensuring that you never speak up when they violate your boundaries.  Recognizing this behaviour as a sign of devaluation is crucial for your self-esteem and mental health. 2. Projecting Insecurities onto You Narcissists often struggle to face and process their own negative emotions. As a result, they project their flaws, fears, and insecurities onto their partners. This projection is a defence mechanism to deflect their uncomfortable feelings. They will make you believe that you possess these negative qualities, further eroding your self-worth. It’s important to remember that their projections are not a reflection of who you truly are. 3. Lack of Accountability In a healthy relationship, both partners take responsibility for their actions. However, narcissists rarely own up to their behaviour. When you express your concerns or confront them about something that upsets you, they may dismiss your feelings and tell you that you are overreacting.  This lack of accountability is a red flag that you are being devalued and manipulated. 4. Withdrawal and Isolation As the devaluation phase progresses, narcissists may withdraw emotionally and physically. They may become distant and show a lack of interest in spending time with you or engaging in activities together.  This withdrawal is a tactic to make you feel isolated, insecure, and dependent on them for validation. Recognizing this pattern can help you break free from their control. 5. Intense Criticism and Nitpicking During the devaluation stage, narcissists often engage in excessive criticism and nitpicking. They may find fault with everything you do or say, no matter how trivial.  This constant criticism is meant to diminish your confidence and self-esteem. It’s important to remember that their criticism is not a reflection of your worth or abilities. 6. Manipulative Behavior Narcissists are skilled manipulators. They may use various tactics to control and manipulate you during the devaluation phase. These manipulative behaviours can include gaslighting, guilt-tripping, love-bombing followed by withdrawal, and playing mind games.  Recognizing these manipulative tactics can empower you to break free from their toxic influence. 7. Lack of Empathy and Compassion One of the defining traits of narcissism is a lack of empathy and compassion. During the devaluation phase, narcissists may become even more callous and indifferent towards your feelings and needs.  They are unable to truly understand or care about your emotions, doing so becomes beyond their capacity as their primary focus is on their desires and self-image. 8. Triangulation and Jealousy Narcissists thrive on attention and admiration. As the devaluation stage progresses, they may become increasingly jealous of your skills, strengths, and experiences. They may start comparing you to others, creating a competitive rivalry within the relationship.  This triangulation and jealousy are meant to assert their dominance and undermine your self-confidence, ultimately solidifying their control over you and fostering a sense of insecurity. 9. Discarding and Hoovering The discard phase occurs when the narcissist decides to end the relationship or discard you emotionally. They may abruptly stop contacting you or not explain their absence.  This sudden withdrawal is often followed by periods of hoovering, where they attempt to draw you back into the relationship using manipulative tactics and false promises. Recognizing this pattern can help you break free from the toxic cycle. 10. Trusting Your Intuition One of the most important signs of devaluation and discard is your intuition. If you feel that something is off or that the relationship is unhealthy, trust your instincts.  Your intuition can guide you towards recognizing the red flags and protecting yourself from further emotional harm by prompting you to reevaluate the dynamics and prioritize your well-being. Conclusion Experiencing devaluation and discard in a relationship with a narcissist can be emotionally devastating. Recognizing the warning signs is crucial for your well-being and can help you make informed decisions about your future.  Remember, you deserve to be in a healthy and loving relationship where your needs and boundaries are respected. Trust your intuition, seek support from trusted friends and professionals, and prioritize your happiness and self-care.  

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list of reasons why narcissist ignores you

Why Narcissist Ignores You?

Narcissists commonly got this super messed up behaviour of straight-up ignoring the victim. It’s like they can’t see beyond their own needs and desires, and they just don’t give a darn about the pain they cause others. The victims end up feeling like they don’t matter at all.  Breaking free from this messed-up situation is crucial for the victims, But without knowing the reason behind the behaviours of narcissists, you run in circles with them in the abusive relationship. Narcissists Ignore Your Pain The narcissist’s behaviour of ignoring you is a distressing display of their self-centred nature and lack of empathy. When confronted with the consequences of their actions, they effortlessly turn a blind eye to the suffering they have caused. Their need to maintain an inflated sense of self-worth overshadows any concern for the well-being of others, leaving them feeling dismissed, unheard, and insignificant. It’s like the narcissist thinks they’re untouchable and can do no wrong. They act like they’re immune to any responsibility or accountability. Apart from ignoring your pain, narcissists ignore you to cause pain too. Let’s see how and why below. Reasons Why Narcissists Ignore You Narcissists may ignore you for various reasons like, When You Confront them Lack of Narcissistic Supply from you When You Block Them In the Devaluation Phase with you To Manipulate You To Gaslight you When they fear you And for more reasons. But why? To control of course. To control the situation, To control you, to control your life, and whatnot? Let’s delve deeper into why narcissists are so fond of ignoring the victims. 1. To make you feel Guilty The narcissists tend to blow tiny mistakes way out of proportion, making them seem like the end of the world. So, even if you did something small, they’ll act like you caused a major disaster. When they get mad at you, they might give you the silent treatment. It’s like a punishment to make you feel super guilty for what you did. They want you to crawl back to them, begging for forgiveness like crazy. 2. Make you go Behind Them Do you know how some narcissists just love to play games, especially in romantic relationships? They get a real kick out of it. It’s like they enjoy the excitement of knowing someone is into them, and they actually like being chased.  So, if you notice them suddenly ignoring you, especially during that initial intense phase where they shower you with affection (the love-bombing phase), it might mean they’re starting to feel a little too attached. They want to flip the script and have you chasing after them instead. 3. When they get another Narcissistic Supply Narcissists – they might start ignoring you if they’ve got their eyes on a new target, like another person who can give them that sense of entitlement they crave. You see, narcissistic supply is what they call anything that feeds their ego and makes them feel like they’re the absolute best. They’re kind of addicted to getting approval, attention, and admiration from others. It’s like they depend on it to feel good about themselves, just as much as they need food and water. 4. To Make you Jealous When it comes to narcissists, they might pull this trick by ignoring you by pretending they’re super busy when, in reality, they’re not that occupied at all. Why do they do this? Well, it’s all part of their little game to make themselves seem way more important and exciting than they actually are. They want you to feel jealous of their supposed super cool and happening life, even though it might just be smoke and mirrors. Also, they’ll be all secretive and mysterious about the people they hang out with. It’s like they don’t want you to know who’s in their life, and that’s just to mess with your head and make you feel uncertain. They want you to start acting all needy around them like you desperately want their attention. 5. To gain 24×7 Attention As babies cry to get attention from their moms, sometimes narcissists ignore you just because they crave attention. It’s like they want to see how you’ll react and keep you on your toes. When you confront them about it, they often come up with excuses like, “Oh, sorry, I’ve been busy!” But it doesn’t always make sense, and it can be super frustrating for you. The thing is, they like to stir the pot and play mind games with you. They might ignore your texts and calls but then suddenly like something you post on social media. It’s all a bit confusing, right? Well, that’s exactly what they want. They enjoy messing with your mind and seeing how you respond. Will they stop ignoring you in the future? The thing is, The more you tolerate and enable their behaviour, the more they’ll keep doing it. 6. To initiate a Fight Narcissists kind of thrive on conflicts. Conflict is like a playground for them; they find it interesting and sometimes even enjoyable. They enjoy pushing your buttons and watching you react. By ignoring you, they’re hoping to get under your skin and make you confront them about it. They feed off the conflict and chaos that follows, finding some kind of sick satisfaction in creating tension between you two. 7. To test your tolerance to the abuse When a narcissist ignores you, it’s like they’re putting you to the test to see how much you can handle their mistreatment. It’s as if they want to push your buttons and gauge your tolerance for their abusive behaviour. They play this game of silent treatment, making you feel insignificant and unimportant, just to see if you’ll stick around and take their nonsense.  They’re basically using this tactic to see how much control they have over you and how far they can push you without you walking away. It’s like they get some twisted satisfaction from watching you squirm and struggle to gain…

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