Parents Archives | UDANTE
banner from shameless indicating narcissistic family

11 Dysfunctional Things in a Narcissistic Family

Picture a family where one or more member dominates and controls everyone else, using emotional abuse, manipulation, and gaslighting tactics to maintain power and control. This is the reality for many individuals raised in a dysfunctional narcissistic family. Just think about how a child grows under such circumstances.  Children of narcissistic parents may be subjected to emotional abuse, neglect, or even physical abuse. They may also be held to unrealistic standards or made to feel responsible for the emotional well-being of their parent. In this article, we will explore some of the key facts about narcissistic families.   Why Narcissistic Families are toxic? Narcissistic families tend to be toxic because they are built around the narcissist’s need for control, validation, and admiration. This results in a family dynamic dysfunctional and may engage in a variety of abusive or neglectful behaviors, while other family members may become enablers or codependents, perpetuating the toxic cycle.  This can lead to long-lasting emotional scars and a sense of isolation and powerlessness for those trapped in the narcissistic family system.   Before getting into the article, we want you to know this platform is created with the motive that you can vent out your emotions through the comment section of the articles you relate to. You can either comment and respond to the people you relate to and also register with Udante if you want to have a private and friendly conversation with us for free.   Dysfunctionalities in a Narcissistic Family Dysfunctionalities in a narcissistic family can include emotional abuse, manipulation, and a lack of healthy boundaries affecting the family members. The resulting family environment is often marked by a lack of trust, emotional instability, and a sense of isolation and powerlessness for those trapped in the system.  The dysfunction in narcissistic families can have a profound impact on the well-being of everyone involved, perpetuating cycles of trauma and abuse across generations. The followings are some of the common and too impacting dysfunctionalities in a narcissistic family.   Lack of emotional bonding Narcissistic families are characterized by a lack of emotional bonding, empathy, and genuine concern for one another. Members of these families often feel isolated and alone. Furthermore, narcissistic parents may treat their children as extensions of themselves rather than as individuals with their own thoughts, feelings, and desires. This leaves children feeling unseen, unheard, and unimportant, leading to issues with self-worth and self-esteem. Overall, a lack of emotional bonding in narcissistic families leads to long-term impacts on children’s mental health and well-being, and it affects their ability to form healthy relationships in the future.   Focus on maintaining the family image The primary focus in narcissistic families is on Maintaining the family image. It is important for narcissists to increase their own sense of self-worth, protect themselves from shame and criticism, and control how others perceive them and their families. Some of their actions on their families are Have a burning desire for admiration and validation from others. They may receive the admiration and validation they strive for by projecting a positive image of their family to the outside world Often the fear of being seen as flawed or imperfect triggers feelings of shame and insecurity. By presenting a perfect image of their family, they avoid feeling shame or embarrassment. By maintaining the family image, they have strong control over how others perceive them and their family, as well as ensure that family members behave in ways that reflect well on the family. Make members of the family present a facade of perfection to the outside world, even if things are far from perfect at home.                                                                                                 Children are seen as extensions of the parent Children in narcissistic families are usually understood as extensions of their parents. Narcissistic parents see their children as a means of validating their own self-worth and meeting their own needs for attention, admiration, or control. They expect their children to excel in areas that they value or their unfulfilled dreams and aspirations. This leads to a child choosing to believe that they are only valued for what they can do or achieve, rather than for who they are as individuals. They may feel pressured to meet their parents’ expectations, regardless of their own interests, needs, or desires. As a result, children in narcissistic families may struggle with developing a healthy sense of self and may experience feelings of shame, guilt, or unworthiness.   Children are objectified In narcissistic families, children are often objectified by their parents or other family members. Objectification is when a person is treated as an object or a thing, rather than as an individual with feelings, needs, and desires.  The child’s own desires, feelings, and needs may be ignored or dismissed. This incredibly damages a child’s emotional and psychological well-being. In some cases, narcissistic parents may sexualize or treat their children inappropriately. Making sexual comments or jokes, exposing their children to sexual content, or even engaging in sexual behavior with their children are all examples of this. For a child, this type of objectification can be extremely damaging and traumatic.   Emotional manipulation, gaslighting, and guilt Narcissistic family members may use emotional manipulation tactics such as guilt-tripping, shaming, or threatening to control and manipulate the emotions and behaviors of their family members, leaving the victims feeling powerless and confused. The narcissists may use gaslighting to actively distort or deny reality to make their family members doubt their own perceptions and experiences, which can lead to the victim feeling confused, anxious, and doubting their own sanity. Narcissistic individuals may use guilt to manipulate and control their family members, making them feel responsible for the narcissist’s emotions or actions, leading to constant feelings of burden and responsibility, even when the victim has done nothing wrong.   Punishment for expressing opinions, emotions, or desires It is not uncommon for family members to be punished or face negative consequences for expressing their opinions, emotions, or desires.  Using tactics such as silencing, shaming, or ridiculing, leads the victim to…

Read More
35 narcissistic red flags you missed out

35 Narcissistic Red flags Checklist

Identifying the narcissist at an earlier stage is not something that always happens. Survivors wish they knew about the red flags of the narcissist earlier and avoided the narcissist. But it isn’t that easy to find snakes in the forest, isn’t it? This article lists the narcissistic red flags for you to resemble your past, learn in the present, and be ready for the future.    Red flags of a narcissist are often neglected by the people’s ignorance and love for the person. The one who ignores the red flags is the one who gets trapped in an abusive relationship. Since narcissists are masters at manipulating you and hiding their noxious secrets, ignoring the red flags isn’t your fault. Apart from all that, you are now looking for solutions, learning about narcissism, and healing from those abusive experiences. Let’s spread awareness about the narcissistic red flags and help the community avoid narcissists.   What are narcissistic red flags?   For people who wonder what this is, Narcissists cannot hide their true selves forever, and so, within the time being, their behavior will get exposed either by themselves or through the circumstances. Knowing about narcissistic red flags will help you indicate the narcissist far quicker and evade an abusive relationship.     What are the red flags of a narcissist?   We are delving into several red flags you probably encountered before or may experience in the future. So, take note or download the narcissistic red flags checklist given below to refer to it throughout your life.   Just a reminder, if you find any narcissistic red flags here relevant to what you have experienced, feel free to vent it on the comment section. This platform is for you to vent out your emotions. Let’s share our thoughts and help the community.     Note the red flags given in this article, analyze the person, and note it on the checklist if you have doubts like “Am I dating a narcissist?” “Are my parents narcissists?” “Why am I getting traumatic experiences around the people I love?” “Are my friends toxic?”   1. The look of Narc’s friends on you   Narcissists most likely don’t bring their friends to your life. But if they tend to do, the narcissist probably wants to exhibit their socializing skills. On such occasions, narcissists’ friends’ eyes will tell stories about your narc’s past.   It’s not the eyes of the narc’s friends that hate you but surprisingly, they see you in a pitying manner. If you looked closely, you could feel the doubts in their mind, like, “How does she even end up with him?” You know that they knew something about your Narc partner, and that is how the friends of narcissists are.   2. Have very low to zero friends   There are different types of narcissists but possess similar abusive patterns. The only difference is their personality and red flags. The grandiose and malignant narcissists usually have more friend circles to get the center of attention between others. But covert or vulnerable narcissists keep their traits hideous by having no one around them. Such narcissists treat their friends so badly that no one wishes to stick with them.    Even though they claim to have friends, they won’t let you interact with them. If you tried to interact, you could feel that the friends are not even close and rarely even acquaintances.   3. Doesn’t like your friends   Narcissists hate the victim with support. So, they manipulate you to give full attention to them, leaving your friends behind. They often refuse to interact with your friends and project them as toxic ones. Narcissists fear your friends’ questioning eyes and get anxious knowing that you have external support.   4. Double standards for the friends of the opposite sex   Narcissists are very good at triangulating people and playing with their emotions. They intentionally introduce someone of their opposite sex and make you feel jealous. But in your case, you just cannot even introduce a genuine friend of the opposite gender to the narcissist. If that happens, the narcissist will try to project you as a cheater by saying,   “Oh, who’s that guy you are close with? Are you planning on cheating me?” “You are flirting with her like she’s your girlfriend.”   Narcissists do this as they want them to be the only opposite gender you must rely on. This is one of the crucial narcissistic red flags to notice; otherwise, they would spoil your whole friend circle of yours.   5. Never hangouts with your people   If you are in a relationship, you are probably dreaming of a future with your partner, and that’s what love is. But narcissists do not see any future with you despite seeing you as a controlling toy. So, engaging with your people can lead to trouble in the future. To avoid this, narcissists avoid hanging out with people close to you, especially your family.   So remember this red flag, One who is not ready to meet your people does not wish your life to be good either.   6. Dislikes anything you like   When you start dating a narcissist, it looks like everything goes as you intend to be. They resonate with whatever you like and project it as you both have a lot in common. But in time, the red flag will appear right in front of you. The narcissist will always dislike anything you like; for example, if you like a popular show and so does everyone, the narcissist won’t.   The narcissist will ask you to change your perceptions to what they like; otherwise, they refuse to spend time with you. This act of the narcissist is to test their control over you, especially at the beginning of the abuse. (Mention what your narcissist likes in you at first but dislikes later in the comments).   7. Monologues about themselves   Narcissists can hide anything but not their…

Read More
Banner to support children of narcissistic parents

How to Support Children of Narcissistic Parents?

If you are a parent who adopted a child or is divorced and raising the child separately or a teacher who looks out for the student who exhibits odd behaviors as a result of previous experiences with narcissistic parents, this article is for you. Note some crucial points that help to support and guide a child who was raised by narcissistic parents.   Narcissism manifests into our life on various occasions like friendships, relationships, workplaces, politics, and families. But in a Kid’s life, the parents play a major role in introducing narcissism into their lives. The ways the kids experience narcissism through their parents are: over validation, neglect, gaslights, manipulation, abuse, blameshifts, comparison, and triangulation. So, supporting a child raised by a narcissistic parent needs a strong awareness of narcissism, studying the ways to guide them, and executing them right.   If you are afraid that the kid of the narcissistic parent might also be a narcissist, here is some good news for you. According to psychologists, narcissistic traits are present in children raised by narcissistic parents, but the personality develops and becomes a disorder only after the age of 18, sometimes longer.   So, with a proper amount of guidance, empathy, and love, one can support a child to heal from his/her trauma, leading them to a normal life.   Guide to supporting a child of narcissistic parents   How to support a child raised by a narcissist? To support and guide the kid who was raised by a narcissistic parent, a well-researched understanding of narcissism and certain good practices are required to curb the narcissistic traits radiating in them. So, during the mission to support the child raised by the narcissistic parent, Restrain the sense of entitlement Construct boundaries and restrictions Don’t criticize the narcissistic parent Be a calm parent Do not give up on them Limit the interaction with the narcissist Teach them empathy Give freedom to take decisions Train Personality development skill Finally, be ready to let them go on their own are the ways to support a child to heal from the trauma bond with the narcissistic parent.   Restrain the sense of entitlement   It is common to see narcissistic traits in children of narcissistic parents, especially the state of feeling entitled. The child may get overvalued by hiding their shame if they are the golden child to the parents. The kid might seem to have high self-esteem and look down on others including you. Such children find it hard to adapt to situations and act rude to others to feel entitled.   So, be frank about the rude behavior and bullies in a gentle manner, and teach the child that he/she is not special and is the same as other kids.   Construct boundaries and restrictions   Set limits to the child to not cross it and discipline them in good habits, for e.g., limit the financial expenses, do not let them disrespect you, etc. Making them respect your boundaries helps them to set boundaries for themselves.   Don’t criticize the Narcissistic Parent in front of the child   You probably hate the narcissistic parent that leaves the child behind, but it is not advisable to criticize the narcissist in front of the child. Although the narcissist was being hurtful to the child, the child still may love the parent only for the good times he/she had with the narcissist during the manipulation and love bombing phases.   The innocent child is not aware of the narcissistic behaviors, and so, talking ill about the narcissist in front of them makes them feel disappointed in you and may lead to a conclusion that you are being rude and heartless.   Be a calm parent   Unlike life with a narcissist, the child must not feel the emotional roller coaster. Instead, the kid must feel safe and peaceful in your presence. To do that, give a calm composure, be liberal to their opinions, always listen to them, and give suggestions rather than giving orders. This makes them feel comfortable, be open about their feelings, and wish to stay with you.   Do not give up on them   At the moment, the child may feel like he/she lost everything in their life after their narcissistic parents. So, a sudden love and care from your side may feel fake and temporary. So, they try to push your limits to see your true face as like their previous narcissistic parent. Such kids need constant love and care from your side to prove to them you are different. So, get a hold of this idea and do not give up on them. Have you ever experienced narcissistic abuse or currently experiencing one? Are you struggling to vent about that to anyone? Remember that venting to somebody who listens to you is the first step to healing. So, register here and vent to a listener who understands you. Limit the interaction with the narcissistic parent   Not everyone can go no contact with the narcissist, some are bound by the law and things. So, try to limit the interaction between the narcissist and the child, without being violent. The narcissist one who threw away the victims will always come back playing the victim card. You may not be the one who falls for it, but the innocent child does. So, limit the interaction as much as possible. The narcissist will try to breach the limit sometimes which should be taken immediately with legal actions.    Teach them Empathy   Narcissists lack empathy and neglect to understand human emotions. If such traits are found in the child, show unconditional love, be cheerful around them, and do not hide your emotions with them. Express the sadness, love, happiness, upset, and the reason behind them. Make sure they acknowledge your emotions. Verbalizing your feelings helps them to understand your emotions, as a result, the child will develop good communication with you and start expressing their emotions too.    You might have witnessed the kids of narcissists being rude…

Read More