After reading all the web articles and forums, you may be wondering why the narcissist who left you has never returned. “Am I not worthy enough to be hoovered by the narcissist?” you may wonder. This article may alter your mind.
First and foremostly, it is good that you are currently away from the narcissist, no matter whether you left or the narcissist discarded you. It may be unfortunate that you didn’t have a formal closure with your narcissist. But having a formal closure is nearly impossible to have with a narcissist. But if you think of having a formal closure when the narcissist tries to hoover or come back into being in a relationship and wonder why didn’t they come back, here are some reasons for it.
Even though the narcissist didn’t come back as you guessed, it is not advisable to feel defeated or worthless as the narcissist does want you to feel like that.
Whether you had gone no contact or the narcissist discarded you, the good thing is you are staying away from the narcissist right now. Life after leaving the narcissist will be a roller coaster of emotions as you deal with traumas and simultaneously heal and develop self-worth and boundaries. The feeling of lowering down your self-forth for not being hoovered back by the narcissist is also a part of it.
You don’t have to feel down anymore as nothing is wrong with your side. Here is some valid intel about why your narcissist never came back to you.
Why does the narcissist never come back to hoover you?
The narcissist will never come back if the narcissist has another supply, feels the victim can no longer be manipulated, doesn’t want to seem vulnerable in front of the victim, or knows the victim will never heal from the traumatic bonds. Putting your self-worth into hoovering by a narcissist who doesn’t value you is not worth time.
If you are valuing the love you had with the narcissist yet, you might feel guilty about leaving the narcissist. This may push you into self-doubts that you are the problem in the relationship. But the truth is, it has nothing to do with you, and the narcissist has failed you.
Narcissists are never successful in acquiring healthy relationships as they are just trying to fill the void in their souls.
If you still bother about the narcissist who never came back, here is the list of why the narcissist never wants to hoover you again. Hope this intel clarifies your doubts and heals you faster.
Udante recommends that you read our blogs to learn more about narcissism. You can use the comment box to vent and share your experiences regarding this subject. If you need to talk to someone about your feelings and vent, visit here and schedule a session.
Not wanting to look vulnerable in front of the victim
Unless one is a vulnerable narcissist, you cannot see a narcissist who seems weak around you. This is because of narcissists’ inflated sense of self-importance, which leads them to believe that by apologizing and acting as though they love you back in order to hoover, they might lose control over the victim.
Narcissists disgust the feeling of looking vulnerable as well as giving you the validation you deserve. So, if your narcissist never comes back, understand that their self-importance is greater and more toxic than you imagine.
You can no longer be manipulated.
Narcissists are more conscious of your awareness level. They can feel the emotions you endure, the anger you express, and the deprivation of love.
If they found that you came to know about them, and developed self-worth and boundaries, then it is obvious that you can no longer be manipulated.
Hence, the narcissist will choose to leave you and never come back again. It is good, isn’t it?
If you think this is the reason your narcissist has never tried to hoover back, then you are in the safe place.
Got another narcissistic supply
Narcissists never tend to stay in a relationship for long. But it might be heart-breaking when your narcissists get another partner with whom they seem to have a healthy and long-lasting relationship.
However, here is the reality behind that.
1. Your narcissist may depict that their current relationship is more successful than they had with you. Faking the circumstance is what narcissists are specialists at.
They know that you are stalking their profile (even if it was once in a while). So, the narcissists plot to exhibit their current relationship just to hurt you.
2. The narcissist’s new partner is a good supply with more resources. The narcissist might find sticking with them worth it even though the relationship was abusive and toxic. The new supplier will also suffer and maybe worse than you.
3. Narcissists might have relationships with people with any one of these personalities. The personality traits include beta, healers, and others who act as better narcissistic enablers, who are capable of having a prolonged relationship with the narcissists.
Whatever it is, it isn’t worth getting jealous and feeling not-worthy enough for a person who refuses to see your worth.
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Afraid of narcissistic injury
Narcissists are afraid of shame, so all they do in their lives is avoid getting shame by manipulating people to validate them. Giving the taste of their behaviors back leads to either complete rage or an everlasting narcissistic injury
Once the narcissist leaves you, they think about the after-effects of discarding the person before trying to hoover you back. For example,
“What if you didn’t respond to our hoovering tactics?”
“What if you discarded them back?”
“What if you expose their traits?”
Can’t believe that the narcissist is afraid of you? All they do feel is fear and insecurity of getting a narcissistic injury. And that is why the narcissist never comes back to hoover back.
Got bored of the supply
Stating this again, “It has nothing to do with you.” The narcissist’s soul is a hollow and empty space. It can never be filled with love, attention, or whatsoever.
When you give validation to the narcissists, they feel that their soul is being fed but at the end of the day, it always ends up empty.
So, they try, abuse, and manipulate you in order to extract as much narcissistic supply from you and become bored with the supply they receive from the same person. And so, they choose never to come back to hoover.
No will to accept the mistake
According to narcissists, they are flawless as a unit and make no mistakes. By any chance, if they make a mistake, they shift the blame to the victim (you).
In order to hoover you back, the narcissist will have to take responsibility for their actions and apologize (even if it was acting). The self-esteem in them fights to do this as it convinces the victims that the narcissist has made a mistake.
So, the narcissist will probably never come back as they have to do what they hate the most.
Waiting for you to heal and get hurt
The narcissist discards you to experience the control they have over you. The experience, frustrations, and emotional rollercoasters you express are what they admire.
They closely watch you experiencing the abuse through stalking. The trauma gets intensified in the victim when the narcissist has a happy life with another person.
In time, when you start moving on from the narcissistic relationship, the narcissist senses it. The more you heal, the more you get away from the narcissist’s control. So, the narcissist will not allow the victims to heal.
But why does the narcissist wait for you to heal? Once you start healing, it is a sign that you have started to replenish your energy back. So, if the narcissist is able to hoover back you again, you can give the necessary validation and attention to them again.
If you are concerned about not hoovering back, you may be in the early stages of recovery and at risk of re-entering the abusive relationship.
However, if you anticipate closure with the narcissist when they attempt to hoover you, that might be another story given below.
Fear of a defeat
The narcissist can never take a defeat with the victim. Getting defeated by the victim is a nightmare of the narcissist. So, the narcissist will always be cautious on such occasions.
If you are expecting them to come back in order to have a formal disclosure, the probability of such situations is very low. The narcissist closely watches your healing processes through staling or flying monkeys. So, if you expect them to come back, they will have already found it and avoid coming back.
If the narcissist never came back, it is evident that they’re in fear of getting back to you again.
Hope the things listed in this article clear the doubt about why your narcissist never comes back to you. It is obvious that self-doubts are part of the healing. So, try to get over the narcissist who doesn’t even try to value the relationship in the first place.