Here is an argument that goes on within the narcissistic victim communities. “Which type of leaving a narcissist is better?
Whether the victim of narcissistic abuse being discarded, or going no-contact with the narcissist?”.
Narcissistic abuse is a pattern of malicious acts followed by narcissists to hurt the victims. The pattern of abuse includes love-bombing, gaslighting, discarding, hoovering, etc. Any victim trapped in the narcissistic abusive cycle is most likely to suffer both mentally and physically. So, the best option to get rid of the narcissist from your life is to sever the narcissistic bond by either getting discarded or going no contact.
Leaving the narcissist is our ultimate goal to escape from the abuse, emotional damage, and suffering. However, it doesn’t come that easy, right? We have to go through more emotional rollercoasters, depression, anxiety, discomfort, and after-effects of leaving the narcissists. But if you did leave the narcissist after all the struggles, there lies peace.
“Getting discarded by the narcissist or going no contact, which is better?” is a complicated topic as both of the methods have struggles to face before and after leaving the narcissist. Let’s see the things that might happen in both ways of leaving a narcissist, and decide which is better at last.
Does Narcissist discarding more hurtful than going no contact?
The answer is yes. During narcissistic discarding, you will not be aware of the fact that the abuser is a narcissist. So, it will be hurtful, traumatic, and exhausting when discarded by the person you love. You might also be filled with sorrow, self-doubts, and hurt yourself for not fulfilling the narcissist.
Getting discarded is the most common thing that every victim experiences in narcissistic abuse. Narcissists discard you when they are bored of their victim or have found a new supply for validation and attention.
From a record, about 20 million people in the US were diagnosed with a narcissistic personality disorder. On average, each narcissist can exploit 5 people in their life through narcissistic abuse. So, about 100 million people were suffering from narcissistic abuse in the US alone. From that, only a few were able to find the narcissistic traits of their loved ones. Although they have found out, only a few managed to go no contact with the narcissists successfully.
So, if you are being discarded by the narcissist, you are not alone. Although getting discarded is hurtful, there are some pros that come along with it.
If they didn’t discard, you would have stayed longer
Discarding is a manipulative tactic to hurt the victim. It always comes after the love-bombing phase of the abusive pattern. Since you have become obsessed with the narcissist, the discard will be more effective at those times. It’s not just an obsession, but the love you gave, the fear of losing a relationship, and the confusion of why the narcissist acts like this make you stick with them.
So, on the verge of solving this, you endure narcissistic abuse again and again. Furthermore, the victims sometimes intentionally get trapped in narcissistic abuse wishing the abuser would change. Pleasing a narcissist to change is not possible and without knowing that, one cannot break the narcissistic bond unless the narcissist discards you.
Will the narcissist come back after discarding me?
Narcissists will probably come back to the victims after discarding when they cannot find an alternative source of supply or the new supply failed to provide enough. The narcissists try to hoover you by love bombing or other manipulative tactics. So, if you are regretting the narcissistic discard, you are more likely to fall into narcissistic abuse again.
On the other hand, if you managed to figure out the abuser to be a narcissist, you have the chance to deal with the narcissist and make them finally discard you for peace.
Will the narcissist discard you forever?
The narcissists may discard you and never come back if they gain a surplus amount of narcissistic supply from the other victims. But the narcissist will eternally stalk, or keep track of you by any means to not lose control over you. They do not want the victim to move on from the relationship even when the narcissist shifts to another victim.
How to make the narcissist discard you forever?
When the narcissist discards you to hurt, it is tough for the victim to disengage with the narcissistic relationship. However, if you find out about the narcissist and dealt with them right, the narcissist might discard and leave you forever. So, follow these steps to make the narcissist discard you and never come back.
- Do not react
- Give an emotionless answer
- Act bored and talk in an uninteresting way
- Have an understanding friend by your side
- Prioritize any things above the narcissist
- Say ‘No’ if you have to
- Ignore or move away if they pick a fight with you
Following these steps will make the narcissist aware of the fact that you have figured them out and might leave you forever.
Give a Read: Are you an enabler of a narcissist? Check it
Getting Discarded saves you from Narcissistic Rage
If you go No Contact, especially with the covert or malignant narcissist, they see you as a threat as you might expose them. This makes them enrage and conduct smear campaigns or be more violent towards you, causing a backfire.
So, getting discarded by the narcissist seems safer and more effective in situations like this.
How does No Contact be better than getting discarded by the narcissist?
No Contact is a conscious act of a victim to completely sever the bond with the narcissist. Going No contact includes blocking the narcissist from the contacts, leaving from the place of a narcissist, migrating to another city to cut off the connection with the narcissist & flying monkeys, and even abandoning a family. To go No contact successfully, the victim must be fully aware of the narcissistic traits and the consequences to face afterward.
Going No contact with a narcissist is not assuredly a better way to sever the narcissistic bond but can help the victim in worse possible situations. Going no contact with a narcissist is a difficult thing to do as it takes immense effort, determination, discipline, courage, and awareness to succeed.
Narcissists are master manipulators and are good at sending flying monkeys, gaslighting, smear campaigns, love bombing, hoovering, and narcissistic triangulation. As stated before, without fully being aware of the narcissistic traits and will to sacrifice the relationship, the narcissists will always find a way to pull back into the narcissistic abuse.
Will the narcissist chase me after going No Contact?
The narcissists are not likely to chase you after going no contact as you have figured them out, but conduct smear campaigns and blame shifts to destroy your credibility. However, in some cases, where the narcissist is your family member, e.g., a Narc mother, would try to chase and hoover you back to save her credibility of being a good mother to the public.
What are the advantages of going No Contact?
Going No Contact with the narcissist possesses a threat of enraging the narcissist and making the abuse even worse. But sometimes, going No Contact could be more effective, empowering, and healing when you detach the narcissist from your life both physically and mentally. To successfully establish the No Contact, you should be aware of the consequences to be faced and be prepared for it.
How does going No Contact empowers you?
If you had accomplished to go no contact with the narcissist without getting hoovered back, it shows that you have developed a self-caring personality who has a sense of self-worthiness and a well-built boundary. Although your trust level in people might have depleted, you are most likely to keep your guard with people to make sure you never get another narcissistic encounter.
You will define a boundary that no one can cross, identify people who are good for mental health, start to process life to achieve your goals, and find the real love or family you deserve.
Is going No contact the best revenge for a narcissist?
Narcissists are great at manipulating reality. You can never get direct revenge on a narcissist as they will twist the situation against you. Anyways, going No Contact with the narcissist will demolish the sense of entitlement, self-esteem, and control over you. So, this shatters the narcissistic ego and makes them feel lost against you.
In the End
The argument of which way of getting away from the narcissist is impractical. The thing you should analyze is which way suits you to end narcissistic abuse. If you left the narcissist behind somehow, it itself is a motivating factor to heal your soul. So, do learn about narcissists, and their abusive patterns more. In such a way, dealing with such people becomes easier with a strong boundary and well-developed self-worth.