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Good things happen after leaving a narcissist

10 best things that happen after leaving the narcissist

We all know that leaving the Narcissist is tough. However, here you are! Willing to know about the good things that happen after leaving the narcissist. Although walking away from a narcissist may be a post-traumatic journey fraught with self-doubt and anxiety, let’s concentrate on the positive aspects to help you see clearly and heal faster.   After so many struggles, hardships, and withstanding abuses, a victim of narcissism has no option except to either stay captive for the rest of their lives or leave the narcissist for peace. If you are here reading this article, you might have already left or are planning on leaving the narcissist.    You can be in a state of confusion and self-doubts right now about whether going No-Contact will benefit you or not. So, reading this article might give a clear view of the positive aspects of leaving the narcissist.    Udante recommends that you read our blogs to learn more about narcissism. You can use the comment box to vent and share your experiences regarding this subject. If you need to talk to someone about your feelings and vent, visit here and schedule a session.   Now, let’s get into the article.    What are the benefits after leaving the narcissist?   Leaving a narcissist may hit hard as your obsession with the person who manipulated you into an abusive relationship is strong and painful to get over that.    You may be guilty of leaving someone behind and uncertain whether your decision is correct or not. Some people believe that leaving an abusive partner makes them a narcissist. As a matter of fact, it is what every narcissistic survivor is experiencing after leaving the narcissist.    This is why you should read the article Am I a narcissist?   Leaving the narcissist is the only possible way for any victim to exit from an abusive relationship. You can neither change them nor call out on them for obvious reasons that may get things worse.    Is leaving the narcissist the best way?   Although stepping away from the trauma bond of a narcissistic relationship is painful and fraught with concerns and self-doubts, it opens the path for you to recover and build self-worth and boundaries, making your life better than it was in an abusive relationship.   Some of the best things that will happen in your life after leaving the narcissist are listed here.    1. End of endless monologues   When you are in a narcissistic relationship, they make you believe it as a mutual relationship at first, but in no time, a narcissist will start to monologue. The self-pride wants to show off who they are and what they are capable of. They want to be your center of attention, even if it takes all your energy, time, and money.    In a narcissistic relationship, your opinions don’t matter until they speak; Unfortunately, they won’t stop monologuing about themselves.   When you leave a narcissistic relationship, the endless validation you gave to their never-ending monologues comes to an end. The pressure to agree with their pointless opinions while dismissing yours will end. Isn’t that what freedom looks like to you? Yes, it is.   2. No more walking on eggshells   Victims of narcissists were constantly subjected to gaslighting, silent treatments, and narcissistic tantrums. Through this, they have complete control over your emotions. If you want to do something on your own, you will be afraid of triggering the narcissist.   The neverending fear of not triggering the narcissist and preserving the relationship from falling apart is what it feels like walking on eggshells.    View this post on Instagram   A post shared by Udante (@udanteofficial) Leaving the narcissist is when you realize that the relationship you worked so hard to keep has already fallen apart. Perhaps the relationship hasn’t even begun to end.   3. Full stop to meaningless fights and anxieties   Waking up to quarrels, tantrums, and battling different fights every day is how a relationship with a narcissist goes. Some get hurt, and some fight back, but it always is a nightmare to be in an abusive relationship.      Why should you fight for nothing if they have no will to change or genuinely apologize?   Life becomes calm and peaceful after leaving a narcissist, even though you struggle to move on. All you have to do is acknowledge the calm and peace in the absence of the narcissist. Embrace it and feel the difference.    4. You are enough for yourself   Giving everything to the narcissist that is meant for you is what every victim has done in a narcissistic relationship. Whatever you have done, the narcissist won’t get fulfilled. Their soul is like an empty hollow that can never be filled. Despite that, they ask for more attention and validation while disrespecting you.    The feeling of not being enough to your partner is hurtful. You don’t deserve that!   After leaving the narcissist, it is time to create self-worth and self-love. Validating oneself and admitting your innocence makes you sufficient for yourself. Even if the narcissist has isolated you from your friends and family, you cannot get back on track unless you first become enough for yourself.   5. Have a full seat, not on edge as before   Have you ever held your breath to stop crying and wet your pillows with tears in silence? You most likely would. The inability to resolve issues with the narcissist you love and accept what they gaslight pushes you over the edge, filling you with anxiety and stress. It feels like you are in the vicinity of their explosion.    The narcissist will drink down your throat and keep you on the verge of an emotional breakdown. The abuse you have indulged has no words to describe and no one to listen to.   As a turnaround, you will feel safe and secure after leaving the narcissist. You may…

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35 narcissistic red flags you missed out

35 Narcissistic Red flags Checklist

Identifying the narcissist at an earlier stage is not something that always happens. Survivors wish they knew about the red flags of the narcissist earlier and avoided the narcissist. But it isn’t that easy to find snakes in the forest, isn’t it? This article lists the narcissistic red flags for you to resemble your past, learn in the present, and be ready for the future.    Red flags of a narcissist are often neglected by the people’s ignorance and love for the person. The one who ignores the red flags is the one who gets trapped in an abusive relationship. Since narcissists are masters at manipulating you and hiding their noxious secrets, ignoring the red flags isn’t your fault. Apart from all that, you are now looking for solutions, learning about narcissism, and healing from those abusive experiences. Let’s spread awareness about the narcissistic red flags and help the community avoid narcissists.   What are narcissistic red flags?   For people who wonder what this is, Narcissists cannot hide their true selves forever, and so, within the time being, their behavior will get exposed either by themselves or through the circumstances. Knowing about narcissistic red flags will help you indicate the narcissist far quicker and evade an abusive relationship.     What are the red flags of a narcissist?   We are delving into several red flags you probably encountered before or may experience in the future. So, take note or download the narcissistic red flags checklist given below to refer to it throughout your life.   Just a reminder, if you find any narcissistic red flags here relevant to what you have experienced, feel free to vent it on the comment section. This platform is for you to vent out your emotions. Let’s share our thoughts and help the community.     Note the red flags given in this article, analyze the person, and note it on the checklist if you have doubts like “Am I dating a narcissist?” “Are my parents narcissists?” “Why am I getting traumatic experiences around the people I love?” “Are my friends toxic?”   1. The look of Narc’s friends on you   Narcissists most likely don’t bring their friends to your life. But if they tend to do, the narcissist probably wants to exhibit their socializing skills. On such occasions, narcissists’ friends’ eyes will tell stories about your narc’s past.   It’s not the eyes of the narc’s friends that hate you but surprisingly, they see you in a pitying manner. If you looked closely, you could feel the doubts in their mind, like, “How does she even end up with him?” You know that they knew something about your Narc partner, and that is how the friends of narcissists are.   2. Have very low to zero friends   There are different types of narcissists but possess similar abusive patterns. The only difference is their personality and red flags. The grandiose and malignant narcissists usually have more friend circles to get the center of attention between others. But covert or vulnerable narcissists keep their traits hideous by having no one around them. Such narcissists treat their friends so badly that no one wishes to stick with them.    Even though they claim to have friends, they won’t let you interact with them. If you tried to interact, you could feel that the friends are not even close and rarely even acquaintances.   3. Doesn’t like your friends   Narcissists hate the victim with support. So, they manipulate you to give full attention to them, leaving your friends behind. They often refuse to interact with your friends and project them as toxic ones. Narcissists fear your friends’ questioning eyes and get anxious knowing that you have external support.   4. Double standards for the friends of the opposite sex   Narcissists are very good at triangulating people and playing with their emotions. They intentionally introduce someone of their opposite sex and make you feel jealous. But in your case, you just cannot even introduce a genuine friend of the opposite gender to the narcissist. If that happens, the narcissist will try to project you as a cheater by saying,   “Oh, who’s that guy you are close with? Are you planning on cheating me?” “You are flirting with her like she’s your girlfriend.”   Narcissists do this as they want them to be the only opposite gender you must rely on. This is one of the crucial narcissistic red flags to notice; otherwise, they would spoil your whole friend circle of yours.   5. Never hangouts with your people   If you are in a relationship, you are probably dreaming of a future with your partner, and that’s what love is. But narcissists do not see any future with you despite seeing you as a controlling toy. So, engaging with your people can lead to trouble in the future. To avoid this, narcissists avoid hanging out with people close to you, especially your family.   So remember this red flag, One who is not ready to meet your people does not wish your life to be good either.   6. Dislikes anything you like   When you start dating a narcissist, it looks like everything goes as you intend to be. They resonate with whatever you like and project it as you both have a lot in common. But in time, the red flag will appear right in front of you. The narcissist will always dislike anything you like; for example, if you like a popular show and so does everyone, the narcissist won’t.   The narcissist will ask you to change your perceptions to what they like; otherwise, they refuse to spend time with you. This act of the narcissist is to test their control over you, especially at the beginning of the abuse. (Mention what your narcissist likes in you at first but dislikes later in the comments).   7. Monologues about themselves   Narcissists can hide anything but not their…

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How to Support Children of Narcissistic Parents?

If you are a parent who adopted a child or is divorced and raising the child separately or a teacher who looks out for the student who exhibits odd behaviors as a result of previous experiences with narcissistic parents, this article is for you. Note some crucial points that help to support and guide a child who was raised by narcissistic parents.   Narcissism manifests into our life on various occasions like friendships, relationships, workplaces, politics, and families. But in a Kid’s life, the parents play a major role in introducing narcissism into their lives. The ways the kids experience narcissism through their parents are: over validation, neglect, gaslights, manipulation, abuse, blameshifts, comparison, and triangulation. So, supporting a child raised by a narcissistic parent needs a strong awareness of narcissism, studying the ways to guide them, and executing them right.   If you are afraid that the kid of the narcissistic parent might also be a narcissist, here is some good news for you. According to psychologists, narcissistic traits are present in children raised by narcissistic parents, but the personality develops and becomes a disorder only after the age of 18, sometimes longer.   So, with a proper amount of guidance, empathy, and love, one can support a child to heal from his/her trauma, leading them to a normal life.   Guide to supporting a child of narcissistic parents   How to support a child raised by a narcissist? To support and guide the kid who was raised by a narcissistic parent, a well-researched understanding of narcissism and certain good practices are required to curb the narcissistic traits radiating in them. So, during the mission to support the child raised by the narcissistic parent, Restrain the sense of entitlement Construct boundaries and restrictions Don’t criticize the narcissistic parent Be a calm parent Do not give up on them Limit the interaction with the narcissist Teach them empathy Give freedom to take decisions Train Personality development skill Finally, be ready to let them go on their own are the ways to support a child to heal from the trauma bond with the narcissistic parent.   Restrain the sense of entitlement   It is common to see narcissistic traits in children of narcissistic parents, especially the state of feeling entitled. The child may get overvalued by hiding their shame if they are the golden child to the parents. The kid might seem to have high self-esteem and look down on others including you. Such children find it hard to adapt to situations and act rude to others to feel entitled.   So, be frank about the rude behavior and bullies in a gentle manner, and teach the child that he/she is not special and is the same as other kids.   Construct boundaries and restrictions   Set limits to the child to not cross it and discipline them in good habits, for e.g., limit the financial expenses, do not let them disrespect you, etc. Making them respect your boundaries helps them to set boundaries for themselves.   Don’t criticize the Narcissistic Parent in front of the child   You probably hate the narcissistic parent that leaves the child behind, but it is not advisable to criticize the narcissist in front of the child. Although the narcissist was being hurtful to the child, the child still may love the parent only for the good times he/she had with the narcissist during the manipulation and love bombing phases.   The innocent child is not aware of the narcissistic behaviors, and so, talking ill about the narcissist in front of them makes them feel disappointed in you and may lead to a conclusion that you are being rude and heartless.   Be a calm parent   Unlike life with a narcissist, the child must not feel the emotional roller coaster. Instead, the kid must feel safe and peaceful in your presence. To do that, give a calm composure, be liberal to their opinions, always listen to them, and give suggestions rather than giving orders. This makes them feel comfortable, be open about their feelings, and wish to stay with you.   Do not give up on them   At the moment, the child may feel like he/she lost everything in their life after their narcissistic parents. So, a sudden love and care from your side may feel fake and temporary. So, they try to push your limits to see your true face as like their previous narcissistic parent. Such kids need constant love and care from your side to prove to them you are different. So, get a hold of this idea and do not give up on them. Have you ever experienced narcissistic abuse or currently experiencing one? Are you struggling to vent about that to anyone? Remember that venting to somebody who listens to you is the first step to healing. So, register here and vent to a listener who understands you. Limit the interaction with the narcissistic parent   Not everyone can go no contact with the narcissist, some are bound by the law and things. So, try to limit the interaction between the narcissist and the child, without being violent. The narcissist one who threw away the victims will always come back playing the victim card. You may not be the one who falls for it, but the innocent child does. So, limit the interaction as much as possible. The narcissist will try to breach the limit sometimes which should be taken immediately with legal actions.    Teach them Empathy   Narcissists lack empathy and neglect to understand human emotions. If such traits are found in the child, show unconditional love, be cheerful around them, and do not hide your emotions with them. Express the sadness, love, happiness, upset, and the reason behind them. Make sure they acknowledge your emotions. Verbalizing your feelings helps them to understand your emotions, as a result, the child will develop good communication with you and start expressing their emotions too.    You might have witnessed the kids of narcissists being rude…

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Vector image of narcissistic parents scolding a kid

Life of Children with Narcissistic Parents

A child under the parenting of narcissists goes through a lot emotionally and physically. Any kid is less likely to know or recognize the toxicity of their parents and tends to experience pain, self-doubts, gaslights, abuse, etc., throughout their childhood. Now, let’s see how these children raised by narcissistic parents evolve as a character in the future.   Parenting plays a vital role in personality development for a kid to set a solid character in the next phase of their lives. Countless studies are here to prove the relationship between parenting and a kid’s character development. It’s what decides how the child evolves to become a virtuous person or not. Children of narcissistic parents, on the other hand, have a difficult time growing up and are more likely to get PTSD or become narcissists themselves.   It must be hurtful to see children possessing narcissistic behaviors, especially from their parents. The malicious traits will be inherited by the child either as a defensive method or as an admiration. However, not all children of narcissistic parents will become a narcissist but will exhibit some traits and patterns of narcissists.   Although most of the children who were raised by narcissists will have maladaptive traits, some survivors evolve within to become virtuous characters too. So, delve into the article to know more about how these children of narcissistic parents will transform to be in the future.   How do narcissistic parents want their children to be?   Even if they are their children, the narcissist will always look down on other people and strive to manipulate or control them to feel entitled. A narcissistic parent will treat their child in such a way that the child will feel emotionally empty and find it difficult to be stimulated. In the hands of narcissists, the child is unlikely to experience true love and affection.   In reality, the child may be harmed psychologically, physically, and emotionally, and may grow to be submissive to their toxic parents, which is exactly what the narcissist desires.   Narcissistic parents want their children to be submissive, give validation, and meet up with their needs and expectations while having no self-worth or boundaries of their own. If the children try to act on their wishes, the narcissistic parent will become enraged and abusive as a result of their refusal to surrender to them.   How do children of narcissists become in the future?   In constant exposure to the traits of narcissistic parents, a child will probably experience post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), anxieties, self-doubts, trust issues, and others.  This causes the child to become lonely, co-dependent, insecure, arrogant, rebellious, or even a narcissist as a survival tactic against narcissistic parents.   The type of narcissist with whom the child grew up has an impact on their change. The character of a child is defined by the features that he or she recognizes and learns from his or her parents in order to survive the abuse.   Know about: How narcissism comes into a Kid’s life?   Lonely Soul   When narcissistic parents demand validation from their children, they seek immediate attention from them, causing the children to neglect their needs. This significantly depletes their self-importance and as a result, they have low self-confidence, self-worth, and self-esteem.   The children of narcissistic parents will grow up in a competitive mode and are often trapped in a triangulation between either the siblings or another parent. They can never let you share love or affection with them and trap you in the triangulation to meet their needs.   Furthermore, narcissists will refuse to provide credit for the child’s accomplishments and may even put the child’s goals on hold in order to keep the youngster emotionally imprisoned. This makes the child feel suffocated and neglected for wanting to be happy about his/her accomplishments. They indeed have the audacity to grab away the kid’s freedom and will probably neglect the kid if he or she does not meet their needs. As a result, the child of narcissistic parents will go solitary, depressed, hopeless, silent, introverted, and miserable. Codependency is equal to submission   The narcissists teach their children to be reliant on them by completing all of the work ahead of time (even if it isn’t required) and then criticizing them for not doing anything. Subsequently, they would never give the freedom to be happy with friends or relations. As a result, the child will become co-dependent and will seek permission before making any modest decisions.   The narcissistic parent will also belittle the hard work, manipulate to divert the kid from achieving, or act dissatisfied just to make the child feel not good enough. Thus the self-doubt-filled child will be pleased or inclined toward the narcissists’ wish to not disappoint them. Have you ever experienced narcissistic abuse or currently experiencing one? Are you struggling to vent about that to anyone? Remember that venting to somebody who listens to you is the first step to healing. So, register here and vent to a listener who understands you. Insecure and attention-seeking   Narcissists do not instill moral ideals in their children because they are uninterested in personal development. Instead, the narcissist will exaggerate their physical appearance and make the child feel insecure about his/her body.   As a result, the kid will develop a lack of self-confidence in his or her physique, leading to seeking assurance from others. Yes, inflating their physical appearance in front of a child can lead to self-criticizing and feeling insecure. In such a way, the children will often be found engaged with their physical appearance and seek validation for approval.   Arrogant as a Malignant   Some children of narcissistic parents are found to be more extroverted, arrogant, and have inflated self-esteem. They exhibit perfectionism due to their narcissistic parents’ undying expectations and disappointments. This drives more anxiety, leading them to be more arrogant with other people. Such kids are mostly raised by malignant narcissists who are extremely violent and rude towards the child. The child…

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narcissists will treat their friends with evil mindset

How bad do narcissists treat their Friends?

Have you ever stumbled upon a friend who acts in a way that hurts you and your mental health? If yes, you are probably having a friend who is a narcissist. Let’s find out more about how narcissists treat their friends and ruin their lives.   A good friendship is one that is supportive, respects one’s boundaries, and has a good understanding. If we are about to take the wrong path, a friend must care for our lives and advise us not to take that path. Good friends will always strive to grow with their friends in order to develop integrity and an appropriate environment. Contrarily, narcissistic friends would treat their friends in a way that is toxic, abusive, and mentally exhaustive.   Adding friendships in your life should be a confidence booster, stress reliever, help at tough times, and make a healthy lifestyle. However, if your friend has a narcissistic personality disorder or narcissistic traits, the friendship will not be as healthy as you hoped. A narcissistic friend will use various abusive patterns to devalue, control, and gain superiority. How do Narcissists treat their Friends?   Narcissists appear to be adept at friendships, yet they tend to reflect their malevolent conduct onto their friends. The friend will eventually see that the narcissist is becoming more jealous, denigrating, abusive, and gossiping. Narcissists would treat their friends in such a way that they damage their positive qualities and devastate their mental health. Jealousy   Narcissists are often envious of their friends’ abilities, personalities, assets, relationships, and accomplishments. They want to be the center of attention in any event, even if their friends are the ones who deserve it. This is why narcissists want to always be superior to their friends.   To be superior, the narcissist either strives to acquire more than what their friends have or tries to exploit the friends to make less than them. In this manner, narcissistic friendship will always stay competitive. The narcissists fantasize that the potential of their friends suppresses their self-loathing mentality and work hard to be more successful to retain their self-esteem.   Devalues   Narcissists are experts at devaluing their victims but, will the narcissist devalue their friends? Without a doubt, narcissists will try to devalue every person they are close with to not let down their self-esteem behavior. Narcissists are ungrateful and empathyless beings who can intentionally devalue their comrades just to fill up their grandiose sense of entitlement.   A friend who is a narcissist doesn’t care about your success and achievement. Instead, he/she chooses to devalue you to lower your self-worth and pride. “It’s your right to be proud of your hard work and achievement” even though the narcissists don’t like it.   Your narcissist friend may say things like these to devalue you, “I’m so happy for your success, what a luck” “My friend is the luckiest one to achieve this” “If it wasn’t my help that day, you probably wouldn’t have won this” Blame shifts   We know that narcissists don’t take responsibility for their actions and blame shifts on others to hide them. The same happens in a narcissistic friendship. The narcissist will consciously tease or blatantly expose the insecurities and flaws of their friends in the name of sarcasm. If the friend reacts to it, the narcissist will effortlessly gaslight you by shifting the blame saying “you can’t even take a joke” or “you have no sense of humor”.   You can never confront a narcissist for their malicious behavior as they are capable of easily guilt tripping or blame shifting you.   Must Read: Getting discarded vs Going No Contact, which is better? Be Abusive   A narcissistic friendship can be as abusive as any narcissistic relationship. Yes, just being a friend of yours, the narcissists are capable of abusing you. A narcissistic friend can hurt you in a variety of ways, including cutting off your Friend Circle, destroying your Relationship, using you as a flying monkey, creating intimacy in a friendship, and trapping you in friends with benefits.   It’s difficult to get away from a narcissist even if they are just a friend of yours. Threaten or Blackmail   Ever your narcissistic friend blackmailed you to not expose them? A narcissist will always gather information discreetly and take note of all their friends’ vulnerabilities or insecurities. In such a way, they can use them as a threatening weapon to restrict or control your actions.   For example, if you are about to reveal your narcissistic friend’s cheating activities to his or her spouse, who is also a friend, the narcissist will use your vulnerabilities as a trump card to blackmail you and prevent you from protecting the victim. They may say,   “If you say about this to my spouse, I’ll open about your parents’ miserable lives to the public” or “If you want to snitch about me, I’ll leak your wardrobe malfunction pics of you that I took on that day”   Have you ever experienced narcissistic abuse or currently experiencing one? Are you struggling to vent about that to anyone? Remember that venting to somebody who listens to you is the first step to healing. So, register here and vent to a listener who understands you. Faked Remorse   Narcissists never feel guilty or remorse for their actions. Their self-pride will never let them acknowledge the mistake and genuinely ask for an apology. Even if they apologize, they give an apology that is self-centric and gaslighting. For example, “I’m sorry that you feel that way”, “I never meant to hurt you”, etc.   A narcissist’s apology is entirely contrived and will simply be utilized as a hoovering tactic. After apologizing, the narcissist expects the friend to forget the narcissist’s error and accept them immediately. They expect the friend to swiftly break the boundary and accept the narcissist, regardless of how bad the mistake is.   If you refuse to accept your narcissistic friend’s apologies, he or she will depict you as heartless, mean, and rude…

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How to deal with hurtful narcissistic enablers and enabler parents?

As we know the types of people who become narcissistic enablers, let us delve into the information of how to deal with narcissistic enablers, especially to deal with parents who are narcissistic enablers.   The narcissistic enablers are the one who enhances the malicious traits in the narcissist by the means of overvaluation, attention-giving, and other narcissistic supply, worsening the abuse even more. The enablers of narcissists can have a pleasing, convincing, gossiping, empathizing, flying monkey, or even narcissistic personality that enables the narcissistic traits in others. Throughout your life, you may encounter a narcissistic enabler parent, sibling, friend, lover, or coworker who needs to be dealt with.   Enablers of narcissists are either persuaded by the narcissists or are aware of their characteristics and choose to support them. Either way, it is best to avoid the narcissistic enablers as equal to the narcissists as they can bring harm to your lifestyle. So, let’s delve in to see how narcissistic enablers are directed to hurt the victim and the ways to deal with them.   How do Narcissistic Enablers hurt you?   Not only the narcissists, but the narcissistic enablers can also hurt the victim by hoovering, manipulating, aiding smear campaigns, spreading gossip, and devaluing them in order to keep them in the relationship. Whether the behavior is deliberate or not, the victim is always harmed by the narcissist enablers.   For example, if a father is a narcissist and his wife is a narcissistic enabler who is unaware of her husband’s narcissistic personality, she will support, validate, and allow him to abuse their children. Furthermore, the narcissistic father can easily persuade the enabler mother to not support their children.   She might say, “Your father beats you to raise you right” “Parents always do things for their children” “Never raise your voice against your father like that” “It’s a shame that you were our kid” “You will never be like your father”   In fact, the narcissistic enabler mother would prioritize the narcissist more than for her kids. In this way, the kids are pulled into a childhood trauma by their own parents.   Related: How do Parents originate narcissism in Kids?   A narcissist’s enabler is someone who is lonely and yearns for love and relationships. As a result, even the smallest amount of attention from a narcissist astounds them and causes them to surrender to the narcissist. Enablers for narcissists are a great source of supply as well as a primary tool for abusing the victim.   How to deal with the Narcissistic Enablers?   “A narcissistic enabler can be as dangerous and abusive as the narcissists”, say psychologists. A narcissist may use enablers as a flying monkey to hoover or Triangulate in order to gain control or to conduct smear campaigns and physical abuse on the victim. As with narcissists, one must exercise greater caution around narcissistic enablers too. Dealing with them as if they were the narcissist is the best way to protect yourself.   Understand that the enablers are maneuvered Do not quarrel Answer in an uninterested way Disengage with them Invite trustable people into your life Build Boundaries Go no contact with both the narcissist and the enabler are some of the crucial ways to deal with a narcissistic enabler. Understand that the enablers are maneuvered   In the name of love, trust, or acting like a victim, narcissists manipulate narcissistic enablers in order to gain control over them and abuse the victim. Understanding this helps us to avoid the consequences or be prepared to deal with them. Do not Quarrel   Picking a fight with a narcissist or a narcissistic enabler is a risky move that can quickly backfire. They can easily turn the situation around by gaslighting you or domineering you by abusing you more than usual. So, always try to stay calm and analyze the situation thoroughly.   Know about: How to support Children raised by narcissists?   Answer in an uninterested way   The enablers of narcissists speak to you in a way that causes you to overreact and respond abruptly. They do this on purpose to find a reason to fight you or destabilize your mental health. So, even if it hurts you, don’t give them what they want; instead, act uninterested and respond in simple words. Disengage with them   Disengaging physically and mentally from a narcissist or narcissist enabler allows you to focus on your life and maintain social connections. Relationships with narcissistic enablers can feel addictive, so try to rehab your mind and prepare yourself to abandon the relationship. Limit your meetings, chats, and friendships with the narcissistic enabler. Keep yourself busy so that you can limit your access to narcissistic abuse and successfully disengage them.   Note: If you are trapped between a narcissist and enablers,  We encourage you to use our Comment section to Vent out your emotions.   Have you ever experienced narcissistic abuse or currently experiencing one? Are you struggling to vent about that to anyone? Remember that venting to somebody who listens to you is the first step to healing. So, register here and vent to a listener who understands you. Invite trustable people into your life   Distancing yourself from narcissistic enablers also allows you to form new social bonds. Take advantage of this opportunity to meet trustworthy people and have them close by to support you. Prioritizing such people makes the narcissistic enablers feel less valuable, which may leave you feeling at ease. Build Boundaries   Boundaries are more important than ever in order to maintain healthy relationships. It’s not just for narcissists; it’s for everyone with a toxic personality. As a result, create boundaries that no one will be able to breach to harm you. If they cross your boundaries, develop the courage to say ‘No.’ Prefer your mental health over anything else, and you’ll be less likely to be exploited by narcissistic enablers. Go No Contact   Should I go no contact with the narcissistic…

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Going No contact is better than getting discarded

Why Going No contact is Better than getting Discarded with a Narcissist?

Here is an argument that goes on within the narcissistic victim communities. “Which type of leaving a narcissist is better? Whether the victim of narcissistic abuse being discarded, or going no-contact with the narcissist?”.   Narcissistic abuse is a pattern of malicious acts followed by narcissists to hurt the victims. The pattern of abuse includes love-bombing, gaslighting, discarding, hoovering, etc. Any victim trapped in the narcissistic abusive cycle is most likely to suffer both mentally and physically. So, the best option to get rid of the narcissist from your life is to sever the narcissistic bond by either getting discarded or going no contact.   Leaving the narcissist is our ultimate goal to escape from the abuse, emotional damage, and suffering. However, it doesn’t come that easy, right? We have to go through more emotional rollercoasters, depression, anxiety, discomfort, and after-effects of leaving the narcissists. But if you did leave the narcissist after all the struggles, there lies peace.   “Getting discarded by the narcissist or going no contact, which is better?” is a complicated topic as both of the methods have struggles to face before and after leaving the narcissist. Let’s see the things that might happen in both ways of leaving a narcissist, and decide which is better at last.   Does Narcissist discarding more hurtful than going no contact?   The answer is yes. During narcissistic discarding, you will not be aware of the fact that the abuser is a narcissist. So, it will be hurtful, traumatic, and exhausting when discarded by the person you love. You might also be filled with sorrow, self-doubts, and hurt yourself for not fulfilling the narcissist.   Getting discarded is the most common thing that every victim experiences in narcissistic abuse. Narcissists discard you when they are bored of their victim or have found a new supply for validation and attention. From a record, about 20 million people in the US were diagnosed with a narcissistic personality disorder. On average, each narcissist can exploit 5 people in their life through narcissistic abuse. So, about 100 million people were suffering from narcissistic abuse in the US alone. From that, only a few were able to find the narcissistic traits of their loved ones. Although they have found out, only a few managed to go no contact with the narcissists successfully.   So, if you are being discarded by the narcissist, you are not alone. Although getting discarded is hurtful, there are some pros that come along with it.   If they didn’t discard, you would have stayed longer   Discarding is a manipulative tactic to hurt the victim. It always comes after the love-bombing phase of the abusive pattern. Since you have become obsessed with the narcissist, the discard will be more effective at those times. It’s not just an obsession, but the love you gave, the fear of losing a relationship, and the confusion of why the narcissist acts like this make you stick with them.   So, on the verge of solving this, you endure narcissistic abuse again and again. Furthermore, the victims sometimes intentionally get trapped in narcissistic abuse wishing the abuser would change. Pleasing a narcissist to change is not possible and without knowing that, one cannot break the narcissistic bond unless the narcissist discards you.   Will the narcissist come back after discarding me?   Narcissists will probably come back to the victims after discarding when they cannot find an alternative source of supply or the new supply failed to provide enough. The narcissists try to hoover you by love bombing or other manipulative tactics. So, if you are regretting the narcissistic discard, you are more likely to fall into narcissistic abuse again.   On the other hand, if you managed to figure out the abuser to be a narcissist, you have the chance to deal with the narcissist and make them finally discard you for peace.   Will the narcissist discard you forever?   The narcissists may discard you and never come back if they gain a surplus amount of narcissistic supply from the other victims. But the narcissist will eternally stalk, or keep track of you by any means to not lose control over you. They do not want the victim to move on from the relationship even when the narcissist shifts to another victim.   How to make the narcissist discard you forever?   When the narcissist discards you to hurt, it is tough for the victim to disengage with the narcissistic relationship. However, if you find out about the narcissist and dealt with them right, the narcissist might discard and leave you forever. So, follow these steps to make the narcissist discard you and never come back.  Do not react Give an emotionless answer Act bored and talk in an uninteresting way Have an understanding friend by your side Prioritize any things above the narcissist Say ‘No’ if you have to Ignore or move away if they pick a fight with you Following these steps will make the narcissist aware of the fact that you have figured them out and might leave you forever.   Give a Read: Are you an enabler of a narcissist? Check it   Getting Discarded saves you from Narcissistic Rage   If you go No Contact, especially with the covert or malignant narcissist, they see you as a threat as you might expose them. This makes them enrage and conduct smear campaigns or be more violent towards you, causing a backfire.    So, getting discarded by the narcissist seems safer and more effective in situations like this.   How does No Contact be better than getting discarded by the narcissist?   No Contact is a conscious act of a victim to completely sever the bond with the narcissist. Going No contact includes blocking the narcissist from the contacts, leaving from the place of a narcissist, migrating to another city to cut off the connection with the narcissist & flying monkeys, and even abandoning a family. To go…

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How does Narcissistic Triangulation work?

Narcissists follow various tactics to trap the victims in the abusive cycle. Among that, Narcissistic triangulation is a crucial and covert tactic that narcissists play on a victim. The answers to the questions, why do narcissists triangulate? and how does narcissistic triangulation affect the victim in different circumstances? will be stated clearly in this article.   Narcissism is a dark triad personality that has the ability to harm people in both emotional and physical ways. The one who possesses this personality can be more exotic and noxious seeking to exploit others’ lives. Narcissistic triangulation is one of the tactics narcissists use to damage the victim. It is difficult to diagnose a person with narcissism. So, it is advisable to limit or avoid having any relationship with narcissists.   What is Narcissistic Triangulation? Narcissistic triangulation is a crucial and covert activity to trap the victim in the narcissistic abuse by bringing a third unknown or lesser-known person into the relationship. The third person does not necessarily be the victim of the narcissist and still somehow gets included in the triangulation. The narcissistic triangulation is also called the “divide and conquer” method.  Narcissistic Triangulation may occur within Love, Family, colleagues and Friends which can be more abusive and damaging than any emotional manipulation.   Why do narcissists triangulate you? The narcissists deliberately triangulate you with another person to Gain control over you Drive you to chase them Make you feel insecure Trigger chaos between the two Thus, restoring the sense of entitlement and superiority, i.e., narcissistic supply.   How do narcissists use the triangulation tactic? The narcissist will limit or give no authority to have a conversation with the third person in the triangulation. They keep this distance as a precautionary method to avoid getting exposed and control you easily. Meanwhile, trying to have contact with the other person in the narcissistic triangulation enrages the narcissists and abuses you abruptly. Narcissists use triangulation tactics to play abusive patterns like manipulation, love-bombing, Ghosting, and gaslighting over the victim in the relationship. The triangulation tactics of the narcissist on a victim differ when the circumstances they are in charge. Whether it may be a narcissistic love, narcissistic family, workplace, or friendships, they play different tactics to obtain different narcissistic supplies from the relationship. Let’s see the triangulation tactics used on different sequences by narcissists with examples.   Narcissistic Triangulation Across Various Platforms As stated above, narcissists conduct their narcissistic triangulation differently based on the circumstances. Narcissists find the triangulation technique as a big drama stage and they have the tendency to act on it perfectly as they wish. They can maneuver the victim or both the victims through triangulation and control them as they wish. The way they control and abuse the victim is what differs in situations. Let’s see how they triangulate the victim across various situations with an example for each. The narcissistic triangulation will possibly happen within Narcissistic love Narcissistic Family Narcissistic Workplace Narcissistic Friendships   Narcissistic Love Triangulation: “Hideous and covert” Love and intimacy are what make you obsessed with the narcissist. You value every word, sex, love, fun, and care you have shared with your partner(narcissist). But, on the flip side, narcissists see you as a mere pawn that can be controlled and sacrificed when they want. The triangulation in narcissistic love includes another person who is more likely to be the narcissist’s friend, secret partner, or ex. The ultimate target for a narcissistic triangulation in love is to make you feel insecure and admit that the narcissist does not deserve you. So, they include this person in the relationship and always bring them in normal chats to make you feel envious of them. The narcissist might not blatantly compare you both, but constantly bringing them into the conversation can make you insecure. The other person is probably secretive and does not interact much with you in the triangulation. Narcissist just wants you to feel like you are nothing special for them as they have other better options. But there are possibilities where the narcissist does not even have any contact with the other person and simply uses them for triangulating you. In case you start to become aware of their triangulation tactic, or try to communicate with the other person, the narcissist will gaslight, give the silent treatment, or abuse you for trying to unlock the truth.   Example of Narcissistic love triangulation Let’s assume you are a male, who is in love with the narc (N)(female), N introduces a new persona B(male) into the relationship. The N always try to speak about the new guy with you by saying things like, “He was better at doing this, you know?” “I remember his voice which I used to love the most” “His shoulders are much broader than this movie character” “He knows a lot about sex” “I love your smell, but his smell is something unique to forgot” “You can’t handle your emotions like my previous boyfriend” “This place reminds me of him” If you ask the N to stop mentioning B, the N responds with something like “Are you doubting me?”, “why are you feeling insecure?”, “I’m just mentioning about him, not comparing with you”, or giving silent treatment for interfering with the N’s triangulation.   Recommended Read: Only these people can make narcissistic love long-lasting   Triangulation in Narcissistic Families: “Deceiving, Manipulative, and family divider” In a narcissistic family, there are possibilities for any one of the parents or both of them to be narcissists. Having a narcissistic parent might be upsetting when you realize all the love and care given by them has a selfish intent followed by narcissistic abuse. You grew up around them without even a single idea about narcissism and now, you are mature to see your true self after all the agony. Triangulation in the narcissistic family does not need to have an unknown persona and can be your sibling, parent, relative, or family friend. In the family triangulation scenario,…

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Toxic friendship

A Narcissistic Friendship is as hurtful as any Narcissistic Relationship

How does it feel like to be in a narcissistic friendship? Having a friendship with a narcissist can also be conniving, abusive, toxic, hurtful as any narcissistic relationship. When the bond gets stronger, one might experience similar abusive patterns as in other narcissistic relationships.   Narcissists are self-centric with high self-esteem and an elevated sense of entitlement. To feel entitled, they seek immense validation and attention from people around them. To get a non-stop validation supply, they develop relationships with people around them and choose to play with their emotions. They follow harmful tactics from the narcissistic abusive patterns to feel the power to control others.   Yes, narcissists don’t see anyone as a friend, acquaintance, partner, or family, but as a mere source of supply to fill their needs. So, if you think you are having a good friendship with a narcissist, you’re not.   How can a narcissist have so many friends?   Narcissists can develop friendships with many people in a short time as they have the ability to exhibit themselves as having good social skills, being attractive, and possessing similar interests with others. Although these aspects may be falsely showcased by narcissists, people find them charming and engaging at the first sight.   Narcissists look more social with others, but they share personal info only if it meets their agenda. However, these friendships cannot stay longer once the narcissists’ traits come to the public’s eyes.    What is a narcissistic friend?   A narcissistic friend is one who possesses the narcissistic trait or is diagnosed to have a narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). He/she has malicious tactics like gaslighting, manipulating, abusive, etc., and often end up ruining the friendship. It is advised to not have a stronger friendship bond with the narcissists.   How to indicate a narcissistic friend?   Narcissistic friendship will be more vicious when the bond gets stronger. So, it is better to figure them out earlier. So, look out for the following traits to confirm your friend is a narcissist.   They always seek attention and validation Will insult you in a group but doesn’t like to be insulted Always gossips about others’ personal life Wants to be a primary/only friend with you Won’t give up an argument until they win Doesn’t appreciate or give credit for your success Flirts with you even if they are in a relationship Always justify their action Reminds you of what they have done for you are the things you should note if you doubt that your friend is a narcissist.   Who can have a friendship with narcissists?   Researchers say narcissists find people with similar toxic personalities interesting to have friendships with. They are attracted to the people who are similar to them in their main personality domains. With such people, narcissists can have a friendship that goes for a long period although it is toxic enough. This case is applicable when the narcissistic friendship is moderate.   When the narcissistic friendship becomes closer, it is more likely to end soon unless the victim is submissive, pleasing, and has other weak personalities.   Give a Read: Types of people who stay longer with the narcissists   How are narcissists hurtful in friendships?   Narcissists are always jealous of others even though they have plenty of resources to be happy. They envy our credibility, ability to have a healthy relationship, and social skills with others. A narcissistic friend wants you to give all your good abilities to them with nothing in return. This is why you always feel exhausted with a narcissistic friend.   As we stated before, narcissistic friendships turn hurtful when the bond becomes closer. Similar to any narcissistic relationship, a friend will also possibly undergo the abusive pattern with a narcissist. The common malicious acts a narcissist will do to you are   Cuts your Friend Circle Ruin your Relationship Use you as a flying monkey tool Develop intimacy in a friendship Trap you in friends with benefits   Cuts friend circle   Narcissists are always conscious of not being exposed. So, they want their victims to avoid venting to others about what they are going through. When the toxic traits of the narcissist get exposed to the public, the fantasy of living entitled forever comes to an end. This is an absolute nightmare to the narcissists which leads to narcissistic rage and being more abusive towards the victim.   So, narcissists always want the friends of victims out of the narcissistic bond. To do that, firstly, they compare the victim with his/her friends to make the victim feel insecure. As a result, the victim starts diminishing the friend circle and is finally cut off.   Ruining relationships   As stated before, narcissists envy others’ belongings. It can be an extrinsic resource, skills, personality, relationship, and whatnot. They fantasize that they are the ones who deserve to have those, else, not the victim. So, they seek to exploit the relationship by bombarding with hate comments, criticizing the relationship, spreading rumors, and even going to an extent to make the friend’s partners theirs. Narcissists are great risk-takers and that is why they go to any extent to acquire what they want.   Give a Read: Risk-taking Narcissists are more successful in careers.   Use as a flying monkey   The right question is, how do narcissists use their friends? Narcissists are very fond of gossip and conducting smear campaigns over others. So, they use friendships as a tool to spread gossip or conduct smear campaigns to ruin the credibility of the victim. Additionally, they also use friends as a flying monkey to hoover back or gaslight the victim.    As a friend, you might be not aware of being a flying monkey to the narcissist, instead, thinking that you are actually helping them. Apart from that, there are chances that the narcissist’s friend also has a toxic personality (or maybe a narcissist too). In such cases, the flying monkeys intentionally hurt or gaslight…

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Enabling the narcissist

What are the traits of Narcissistic Enablers? Check if you are a One

Narcissistic enablers are the one who enables or boosts the dark triad traits in the narcissists by providing a surplus amount of validation and attention that a narcissist needs. This narcissistic supply triggers narcissism in a person and becomes more noxious in time. Check out the article to know more about the traits of narcissistic enablers.   A person with a narcissistic tendency looks out to exploit others emotionally, physically or both to feel entitled among others. They are self-centered with high self-esteem who abuse regardless of family, friends, or partners. The narcissism in a person gets strong when they are motivated to expose their traits. This is what enablers do, they provide the narcissistic supply that motivates the narcissists to play with the emotions of the victims. So a clear understanding of the traits of narcissistic enablers is required to protect ourselves.   Often, victims of narcissists are the ones who become the enabler of narcissism. Although, in some cases, enablers can be a non-victim who can be mother, dad, sister, brother, partner, friends, relatives, or anyone. Are you doubting yourself to be a narcissistic enabler? Proceed further. Why do people become enablers of narcissists?   One can become an enabler of a narcissist for various reasons including lack of self-worth, no boundaries, less empathy, wrong parenting, fear of disapproval. In most cases, such enablers are not aware of them being the source for narcissists. The narcissistic enablers play a vital role in a narcissist’s life to be more abusive with their victim.   Personalities that are great narcissistic enablers   Of course, victims of narcissists will typically have kind, empathetic, and loveable personalities. However, the key personalities that enable narcissism in narcissists are pleasers Believers of change Gossipers Narcissists flying monkeys Empathizers These personalities become narcissistic enablers, with or without intention to boost the narcissists. Let’s look at how these personalities enable narcissists. Pleasers   Pleasers are the kind of people who are way too nice to others, especially when it comes to their loved ones. When pleasers are in a relationship with a narcissist, they idealize the narcissist as superior and ready to lose self-worth, boundaries, or anything you name. They are desperate to have a relationship or to save it; For that, they are ready to lose anything, even mental stability.   People with the pleasing mentality become a prominent source for a narcissist. The reason behind that is, they constantly validate, give attention, and serve wasteful appraisals to make the narcissists feel entitled. This enables the narcissists to reveal more traits to abuse their victims endlessly.   Do narcissistic enablers ever see the truth? Narcissistic enablers often know about the narcissistic traits and choose to ignore them. They do not want to give up a relationship that does not exist in the first place. Consequently, they are prepared to go through any abuse to conserve the relationship. Believers of change   On the verge of losing the bond, relationship, or marriage, some people stick to the narcissists believing that they could change them. Narcissists cannot be changed without personal growth and talk therapy. But these people get enmeshed within the narcissistic abuse cycle trying to change the narcissist.   While fantasizing about changing the narcissists, these people give extravagant attention and support to the narcissists. They validate the narcissist’s actions and justify their actions. This enables narcissism in the narcissists to abuse more.   Pleasers or believers of change, are the kind of personalities that have the potential to stay longer in an abusive narcissistic relationship.   Give a Read: Who can make the narcissistic relationship work for a long time? Gossipers   Gossipers are either toxic or ignorant. They do not consider the aftereffects of the gossip that could ruin anyone’s credibility. Narcissists use gossipers as a great tool to smear campaigns against the victim. In some cases, the gossipers themselves are narcissists and love to spread false rumors just to ruin someone’s image or get some attention. Narcissists   Can a narcissist be an enabler too? Following the previous hypothesis, yes, narcissistic enablers can be a narcissist only when they are in bond with each other. For example, a narcissistic mother over validates her narcissistic kid and that enables narcissism. In a relationship, the partner with the less dominant narcissistic personality becomes an enabler of the narcissist.   For instance, covert narcissists portray themselves to be weak as a manipulative tactic and praise their partner for their ability to do things. So, when the other partner is also revealed to be a narcissist, but with malevolent traits; He/she tends to be more dominant than the covert narcissist. Thus, the covert narcissist becomes the narcissist enabler in the relationship. Flying Monkeys   Flying monkeys are the people who the narcissists sent against you to hoover again into the abuse. The flying monkeys are great supporters of narcissists and believe every word of narcissists to be true. Narcissists use the flying monkeys to validate their actions as well as hoover back the victim. Flying monkeys blindly believe the narcissist’s manipulations as a great caretaker, leader, survivor and go against the victims to support the narcissists. Flying monkeys are the great narcissistic enablers who fill the needs of the narcissistic supply and help to enable the abusive cycle over the victim. Empathizers   Almost every victim of the narcissists was a great empathizer and fell right into the narcissistic trap. Some wake up realizing the abuse and trauma, whereas, others choose to stick with the narcissistic abusive cycle. Thus, becoming the enabler of narcissism by empathizing with the narcissists and helping them emotionally.   The narcissists, when justifying the malicious actions with the childhood trauma, the empathizers accept the justification and continue to love them by lowering their self-worth. In such a way, empathizers become enablers by giving them the freedom to take advantage of them.   Followed by the manipulation, the narcissists gaslight the victims cause extreme self-doubt that led to thinking of themselves…

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