Mental Health

After reading all the web articles and forums, you may be wondering why the narcissist who left you has never returned. “Am I not worthy enough to be hoovered by the narcissist?” you may wonder. This article may alter your mind.   First and foremostly, it is good that you are currently away from the narcissist, no matter whether you left or the narcissist discarded you. It may be unfortunate that you didn’t have a formal closure with your narcissist. But having a formal closure is nearly impossible to have with a narcissist. But if you think of having a formal closure when the narcissist tries to hoover or come back into being in a relationship and wonder why didn’t they come back, here are some reasons for it.    Even though the narcissist didn’t come back as you guessed, it is not advisable to feel defeated or worthless as the narcissist does want you to feel like that.    Do read the best things that happen after leaving the narcissist.   Whether you had gone no contact or the narcissist discarded you, the good thing is you are staying away from the narcissist right now. Life after leaving the narcissist will be a roller coaster of emotions as you deal with traumas and simultaneously heal and develop self-worth and boundaries. The feeling of lowering down your self-forth for not being hoovered back by the narcissist is also a part of it.   You don’t have to feel down anymore as nothing is wrong with your side. Here is some valid intel about why your narcissist never came back to you.    Why does the narcissist never come back to hoover you?   The narcissist will never come back if the narcissist has another supply, feels the victim can no longer be manipulated, doesn’t want to seem vulnerable in front of the victim, or knows the victim will never heal from the traumatic bonds. Putting your self-worth into hoovering by a narcissist who doesn’t value you is not worth time.  If you are valuing the love you had with the narcissist yet, you might feel guilty about leaving the narcissist. This may push you into self-doubts that you are the problem in the relationship. But the truth is, it has nothing to do with you, and the narcissist has failed you.  Narcissists are never successful in acquiring healthy relationships as they are just trying to fill the void in their souls.  If you still bother about the narcissist who never came back, here is the list of why the narcissist never wants to hoover you again. Hope this intel clarifies your doubts and heals you faster.  Udante recommends that you read our blogs to learn more about narcissism. You can use the comment box to vent and share your experiences regarding this subject. If you need to talk to someone about your feelings and vent, visit here and schedule a session. Not wanting to look vulnerable in front of the victim   Unless one is a vulnerable narcissist, you cannot see a narcissist who seems weak around you. This is because of narcissists’ inflated sense of self-importance, which leads them to believe that by apologizing and acting as though they love you back in order to hoover, they might lose control over the victim.  Narcissists disgust the feeling of looking vulnerable as well as giving you the validation you deserve. So, if your narcissist never comes back, understand that their self-importance is greater and more toxic than you imagine.    You can no longer be manipulated.   Narcissists are more conscious of your awareness level. They can feel the emotions you endure, the anger you express, and the deprivation of love. If they found that you came to know about them, and developed self-worth and boundaries, then it is obvious that you can no longer be manipulated.  Hence, the narcissist will choose to leave you and never come back again. It is good, isn’t it?  If you think this is the reason your narcissist has never tried to hoover back, then you are in the safe place.    Got another narcissistic supply   Narcissists never tend to stay in a relationship for long. But it might be heart-breaking when your narcissists get another partner with whom they seem to have a healthy and long-lasting relationship.  However, here is the reality behind that.  1. Your narcissist may depict that their current relationship is more successful than they had with you. Faking the circumstance is what narcissists are specialists at. They know that you are stalking their profile (even if it was once in a while). So, the narcissists plot to exhibit their current relationship just to hurt you.  2. The narcissist’s new partner is a good supply with more resources. The narcissist might find sticking with them worth it even though the relationship was abusive and toxic. The new supplier will also suffer and maybe worse than you.  3. Narcissists might have relationships with people with any one of these personalities. The personality traits include beta, healers, and others who act as better narcissistic enablers, who are capable of having a prolonged relationship with the narcissists.  Whatever it is, it isn’t worth getting jealous and feeling not-worthy enough for a person who refuses to see your worth.            View this post on Instagram                       A post shared by Udante (@udanteofficial)   Afraid of narcissistic injury   Narcissists are afraid of shame, so all they do in their lives is avoid getting shame by manipulating people to validate them. Giving the taste of their behaviors back leads to either complete rage or an everlasting narcissistic injury Once the narcissist leaves you, they think about the after-effects of discarding the person before trying to hoover you back. For example, “What if you didn’t respond to our hoovering tactics?” “What if you discarded them back?” “What if you expose their traits?” Can’t believe that the…

We all know that leaving the Narcissist is tough. However, here you are! Willing to know about the good things that happen after leaving the narcissist. Although walking away from a narcissist may be a post-traumatic journey fraught with self-doubt and anxiety, let’s concentrate on the positive aspects to help you see clearly and heal faster.   After so many struggles, hardships, and withstanding abuses, a victim of narcissism has no option except to either stay captive for the rest of their lives or leave the narcissist for peace. If you are here reading this article, you might have already left or are planning on leaving the narcissist.    You can be in a state of confusion and self-doubts right now about whether going No-Contact will benefit you or not. So, reading this article might give a clear view of the positive aspects of leaving the narcissist.    Udante recommends that you read our blogs to learn more about narcissism. You can use the comment box to vent and share your experiences regarding this subject. If you need to talk to someone about your feelings and vent, visit here and schedule a session.   Now, let’s get into the article.    What are the benefits after leaving the narcissist?   Leaving a narcissist may hit hard as your obsession with the person who manipulated you into an abusive relationship is strong and painful to get over that.    You may be guilty of leaving someone behind and uncertain whether your decision is correct or not. Some people believe that leaving an abusive partner makes them a narcissist. As a matter of fact, it is what every narcissistic survivor is experiencing after leaving the narcissist.    This is why you should read the article Am I a narcissist?   Leaving the narcissist is the only possible way for any victim to exit from an abusive relationship. You can neither change them nor call out on them for obvious reasons that may get things worse.    Is leaving the narcissist the best way?   Although stepping away from the trauma bond of a narcissistic relationship is painful and fraught with concerns and self-doubts, it opens the path for you to recover and build self-worth and boundaries, making your life better than it was in an abusive relationship.   Some of the best things that will happen in your life after leaving the narcissist are listed here.    1. End of endless monologues   When you are in a narcissistic relationship, they make you believe it as a mutual relationship at first, but in no time, a narcissist will start to monologue. The self-pride wants to show off who they are and what they are capable of. They want to be your center of attention, even if it takes all your energy, time, and money.    In a narcissistic relationship, your opinions don’t matter until they speak; Unfortunately, they won’t stop monologuing about themselves.   When you leave a narcissistic relationship, the endless validation you gave to their never-ending monologues comes to an end. The pressure to agree with their pointless opinions while dismissing yours will end. Isn’t that what freedom looks like to you? Yes, it is.   2. No more walking on eggshells   Victims of narcissists were constantly subjected to gaslighting, silent treatments, and narcissistic tantrums. Through this, they have complete control over your emotions. If you want to do something on your own, you will be afraid of triggering the narcissist.   The neverending fear of not triggering the narcissist and preserving the relationship from falling apart is what it feels like walking on eggshells.    View this post on Instagram   A post shared by Udante (@udanteofficial) Leaving the narcissist is when you realize that the relationship you worked so hard to keep has already fallen apart. Perhaps the relationship hasn’t even begun to end.   3. Full stop to meaningless fights and anxieties   Waking up to quarrels, tantrums, and battling different fights every day is how a relationship with a narcissist goes. Some get hurt, and some fight back, but it always is a nightmare to be in an abusive relationship.      Why should you fight for nothing if they have no will to change or genuinely apologize?   Life becomes calm and peaceful after leaving a narcissist, even though you struggle to move on. All you have to do is acknowledge the calm and peace in the absence of the narcissist. Embrace it and feel the difference.    4. You are enough for yourself   Giving everything to the narcissist that is meant for you is what every victim has done in a narcissistic relationship. Whatever you have done, the narcissist won’t get fulfilled. Their soul is like an empty hollow that can never be filled. Despite that, they ask for more attention and validation while disrespecting you.    The feeling of not being enough to your partner is hurtful. You don’t deserve that!   After leaving the narcissist, it is time to create self-worth and self-love. Validating oneself and admitting your innocence makes you sufficient for yourself. Even if the narcissist has isolated you from your friends and family, you cannot get back on track unless you first become enough for yourself.   5. Have a full seat, not on edge as before   Have you ever held your breath to stop crying and wet your pillows with tears in silence? You most likely would. The inability to resolve issues with the narcissist you love and accept what they gaslight pushes you over the edge, filling you with anxiety and stress. It feels like you are in the vicinity of their explosion.    The narcissist will drink down your throat and keep you on the verge of an emotional breakdown. The abuse you have indulged has no words to describe and no one to listen to.   As a turnaround, you will feel safe and secure after leaving the narcissist. You may…

As we know the types of people who become narcissistic enablers, let us delve into the information of how to deal with narcissistic enablers, especially to deal with parents who are narcissistic enablers.   The narcissistic enablers are the one who enhances the malicious traits in the narcissist by the means of overvaluation, attention-giving, and other narcissistic supply, worsening the abuse even more. The enablers of narcissists can have a pleasing, convincing, gossiping, empathizing, flying monkey, or even narcissistic personality that enables the narcissistic traits in others. Throughout your life, you may encounter a narcissistic enabler parent, sibling, friend, lover, or coworker who needs to be dealt with.   Enablers of narcissists are either persuaded by the narcissists or are aware of their characteristics and choose to support them. Either way, it is best to avoid the narcissistic enablers as equal to the narcissists as they can bring harm to your lifestyle. So, let’s delve in to see how narcissistic enablers are directed to hurt the victim and the ways to deal with them.   How do Narcissistic Enablers hurt you?   Not only the narcissists, but the narcissistic enablers can also hurt the victim by hoovering, manipulating, aiding smear campaigns, spreading gossip, and devaluing them in order to keep them in the relationship. Whether the behavior is deliberate or not, the victim is always harmed by the narcissist enablers.   For example, if a father is a narcissist and his wife is a narcissistic enabler who is unaware of her husband’s narcissistic personality, she will support, validate, and allow him to abuse their children. Furthermore, the narcissistic father can easily persuade the enabler mother to not support their children.   She might say, “Your father beats you to raise you right” “Parents always do things for their children” “Never raise your voice against your father like that” “It’s a shame that you were our kid” “You will never be like your father”   In fact, the narcissistic enabler mother would prioritize the narcissist more than for her kids. In this way, the kids are pulled into a childhood trauma by their own parents.   Related: How do Parents originate narcissism in Kids?   A narcissist’s enabler is someone who is lonely and yearns for love and relationships. As a result, even the smallest amount of attention from a narcissist astounds them and causes them to surrender to the narcissist. Enablers for narcissists are a great source of supply as well as a primary tool for abusing the victim.   How to deal with the Narcissistic Enablers?   “A narcissistic enabler can be as dangerous and abusive as the narcissists”, say psychologists. A narcissist may use enablers as a flying monkey to hoover or Triangulate in order to gain control or to conduct smear campaigns and physical abuse on the victim. As with narcissists, one must exercise greater caution around narcissistic enablers too. Dealing with them as if they were the narcissist is the best way to protect yourself.   Understand that the enablers are maneuvered Do not quarrel Answer in an uninterested way Disengage with them Invite trustable people into your life Build Boundaries Go no contact with both the narcissist and the enabler are some of the crucial ways to deal with a narcissistic enabler. Understand that the enablers are maneuvered   In the name of love, trust, or acting like a victim, narcissists manipulate narcissistic enablers in order to gain control over them and abuse the victim. Understanding this helps us to avoid the consequences or be prepared to deal with them. Do not Quarrel   Picking a fight with a narcissist or a narcissistic enabler is a risky move that can quickly backfire. They can easily turn the situation around by gaslighting you or domineering you by abusing you more than usual. So, always try to stay calm and analyze the situation thoroughly.   Know about: How to support Children raised by narcissists?   Answer in an uninterested way   The enablers of narcissists speak to you in a way that causes you to overreact and respond abruptly. They do this on purpose to find a reason to fight you or destabilize your mental health. So, even if it hurts you, don’t give them what they want; instead, act uninterested and respond in simple words. Disengage with them   Disengaging physically and mentally from a narcissist or narcissist enabler allows you to focus on your life and maintain social connections. Relationships with narcissistic enablers can feel addictive, so try to rehab your mind and prepare yourself to abandon the relationship. Limit your meetings, chats, and friendships with the narcissistic enabler. Keep yourself busy so that you can limit your access to narcissistic abuse and successfully disengage them.   Note: If you are trapped between a narcissist and enablers,  We encourage you to use our Comment section to Vent out your emotions.   Have you ever experienced narcissistic abuse or currently experiencing one? Are you struggling to vent about that to anyone? Remember that venting to somebody who listens to you is the first step to healing. So, register here and vent to a listener who understands you. Invite trustable people into your life   Distancing yourself from narcissistic enablers also allows you to form new social bonds. Take advantage of this opportunity to meet trustworthy people and have them close by to support you. Prioritizing such people makes the narcissistic enablers feel less valuable, which may leave you feeling at ease. Build Boundaries   Boundaries are more important than ever in order to maintain healthy relationships. It’s not just for narcissists; it’s for everyone with a toxic personality. As a result, create boundaries that no one will be able to breach to harm you. If they cross your boundaries, develop the courage to say ‘No.’ Prefer your mental health over anything else, and you’ll be less likely to be exploited by narcissistic enablers. Go No Contact   Should I go no contact with the narcissistic…

Here is an argument that goes on within the narcissistic victim communities. “Which type of leaving a narcissist is better? Whether the victim of narcissistic abuse being discarded, or going no-contact with the narcissist?”.   Narcissistic abuse is a pattern of malicious acts followed by narcissists to hurt the victims. The pattern of abuse includes love-bombing, gaslighting, discarding, hoovering, etc. Any victim trapped in the narcissistic abusive cycle is most likely to suffer both mentally and physically. So, the best option to get rid of the narcissist from your life is to sever the narcissistic bond by either getting discarded or going no contact.   Leaving the narcissist is our ultimate goal to escape from the abuse, emotional damage, and suffering. However, it doesn’t come that easy, right? We have to go through more emotional rollercoasters, depression, anxiety, discomfort, and after-effects of leaving the narcissists. But if you did leave the narcissist after all the struggles, there lies peace.   “Getting discarded by the narcissist or going no contact, which is better?” is a complicated topic as both of the methods have struggles to face before and after leaving the narcissist. Let’s see the things that might happen in both ways of leaving a narcissist, and decide which is better at last.   Does Narcissist discarding more hurtful than going no contact?   The answer is yes. During narcissistic discarding, you will not be aware of the fact that the abuser is a narcissist. So, it will be hurtful, traumatic, and exhausting when discarded by the person you love. You might also be filled with sorrow, self-doubts, and hurt yourself for not fulfilling the narcissist.   Getting discarded is the most common thing that every victim experiences in narcissistic abuse. Narcissists discard you when they are bored of their victim or have found a new supply for validation and attention. From a record, about 20 million people in the US were diagnosed with a narcissistic personality disorder. On average, each narcissist can exploit 5 people in their life through narcissistic abuse. So, about 100 million people were suffering from narcissistic abuse in the US alone. From that, only a few were able to find the narcissistic traits of their loved ones. Although they have found out, only a few managed to go no contact with the narcissists successfully.   So, if you are being discarded by the narcissist, you are not alone. Although getting discarded is hurtful, there are some pros that come along with it.   If they didn’t discard, you would have stayed longer   Discarding is a manipulative tactic to hurt the victim. It always comes after the love-bombing phase of the abusive pattern. Since you have become obsessed with the narcissist, the discard will be more effective at those times. It’s not just an obsession, but the love you gave, the fear of losing a relationship, and the confusion of why the narcissist acts like this make you stick with them.   So, on the verge of solving this, you endure narcissistic abuse again and again. Furthermore, the victims sometimes intentionally get trapped in narcissistic abuse wishing the abuser would change. Pleasing a narcissist to change is not possible and without knowing that, one cannot break the narcissistic bond unless the narcissist discards you.   Will the narcissist come back after discarding me?   Narcissists will probably come back to the victims after discarding when they cannot find an alternative source of supply or the new supply failed to provide enough. The narcissists try to hoover you by love bombing or other manipulative tactics. So, if you are regretting the narcissistic discard, you are more likely to fall into narcissistic abuse again.   On the other hand, if you managed to figure out the abuser to be a narcissist, you have the chance to deal with the narcissist and make them finally discard you for peace.   Will the narcissist discard you forever?   The narcissists may discard you and never come back if they gain a surplus amount of narcissistic supply from the other victims. But the narcissist will eternally stalk, or keep track of you by any means to not lose control over you. They do not want the victim to move on from the relationship even when the narcissist shifts to another victim.   How to make the narcissist discard you forever?   When the narcissist discards you to hurt, it is tough for the victim to disengage with the narcissistic relationship. However, if you find out about the narcissist and dealt with them right, the narcissist might discard and leave you forever. So, follow these steps to make the narcissist discard you and never come back.  Do not react Give an emotionless answer Act bored and talk in an uninteresting way Have an understanding friend by your side Prioritize any things above the narcissist Say ‘No’ if you have to Ignore or move away if they pick a fight with you Following these steps will make the narcissist aware of the fact that you have figured them out and might leave you forever.   Give a Read: Are you an enabler of a narcissist? Check it   Getting Discarded saves you from Narcissistic Rage   If you go No Contact, especially with the covert or malignant narcissist, they see you as a threat as you might expose them. This makes them enrage and conduct smear campaigns or be more violent towards you, causing a backfire.    So, getting discarded by the narcissist seems safer and more effective in situations like this.   How does No Contact be better than getting discarded by the narcissist?   No Contact is a conscious act of a victim to completely sever the bond with the narcissist. Going No contact includes blocking the narcissist from the contacts, leaving from the place of a narcissist, migrating to another city to cut off the connection with the narcissist & flying monkeys, and even abandoning a family. To go…

Narcissists follow various tactics to trap the victims in the abusive cycle. Among that, Narcissistic triangulation is a crucial and covert tactic that narcissists play on a victim. The answers to the questions, why do narcissists triangulate? and how does narcissistic triangulation affect the victim in different circumstances? will be stated clearly in this article.   Narcissism is a dark triad personality that has the ability to harm people in both emotional and physical ways. The one who possesses this personality can be more exotic and noxious seeking to exploit others’ lives. Narcissistic triangulation is one of the tactics narcissists use to damage the victim. It is difficult to diagnose a person with narcissism. So, it is advisable to limit or avoid having any relationship with narcissists.   What is Narcissistic Triangulation? Narcissistic triangulation is a crucial and covert activity to trap the victim in the narcissistic abuse by bringing a third unknown or lesser-known person into the relationship. The third person does not necessarily be the victim of the narcissist and still somehow gets included in the triangulation. The narcissistic triangulation is also called the “divide and conquer” method.  Narcissistic Triangulation may occur within Love, Family, colleagues and Friends which can be more abusive and damaging than any emotional manipulation.   Why do narcissists triangulate you? The narcissists deliberately triangulate you with another person to Gain control over you Drive you to chase them Make you feel insecure Trigger chaos between the two Thus, restoring the sense of entitlement and superiority, i.e., narcissistic supply.   How do narcissists use the triangulation tactic? The narcissist will limit or give no authority to have a conversation with the third person in the triangulation. They keep this distance as a precautionary method to avoid getting exposed and control you easily. Meanwhile, trying to have contact with the other person in the narcissistic triangulation enrages the narcissists and abuses you abruptly. Narcissists use triangulation tactics to play abusive patterns like manipulation, love-bombing, Ghosting, and gaslighting over the victim in the relationship. The triangulation tactics of the narcissist on a victim differ when the circumstances they are in charge. Whether it may be a narcissistic love, narcissistic family, workplace, or friendships, they play different tactics to obtain different narcissistic supplies from the relationship. Let’s see the triangulation tactics used on different sequences by narcissists with examples.   Narcissistic Triangulation Across Various Platforms As stated above, narcissists conduct their narcissistic triangulation differently based on the circumstances. Narcissists find the triangulation technique as a big drama stage and they have the tendency to act on it perfectly as they wish. They can maneuver the victim or both the victims through triangulation and control them as they wish. The way they control and abuse the victim is what differs in situations. Let’s see how they triangulate the victim across various situations with an example for each. The narcissistic triangulation will possibly happen within Narcissistic love Narcissistic Family Narcissistic Workplace Narcissistic Friendships   Narcissistic Love Triangulation: “Hideous and covert” Love and intimacy are what make you obsessed with the narcissist. You value every word, sex, love, fun, and care you have shared with your partner(narcissist). But, on the flip side, narcissists see you as a mere pawn that can be controlled and sacrificed when they want. The triangulation in narcissistic love includes another person who is more likely to be the narcissist’s friend, secret partner, or ex. The ultimate target for a narcissistic triangulation in love is to make you feel insecure and admit that the narcissist does not deserve you. So, they include this person in the relationship and always bring them in normal chats to make you feel envious of them. The narcissist might not blatantly compare you both, but constantly bringing them into the conversation can make you insecure. The other person is probably secretive and does not interact much with you in the triangulation. Narcissist just wants you to feel like you are nothing special for them as they have other better options. But there are possibilities where the narcissist does not even have any contact with the other person and simply uses them for triangulating you. In case you start to become aware of their triangulation tactic, or try to communicate with the other person, the narcissist will gaslight, give the silent treatment, or abuse you for trying to unlock the truth.   Example of Narcissistic love triangulation Let’s assume you are a male, who is in love with the narc (N)(female), N introduces a new persona B(male) into the relationship. The N always try to speak about the new guy with you by saying things like, “He was better at doing this, you know?” “I remember his voice which I used to love the most” “His shoulders are much broader than this movie character” “He knows a lot about sex” “I love your smell, but his smell is something unique to forgot” “You can’t handle your emotions like my previous boyfriend” “This place reminds me of him” If you ask the N to stop mentioning B, the N responds with something like “Are you doubting me?”, “why are you feeling insecure?”, “I’m just mentioning about him, not comparing with you”, or giving silent treatment for interfering with the N’s triangulation.   Recommended Read: Only these people can make narcissistic love long-lasting   Triangulation in Narcissistic Families: “Deceiving, Manipulative, and family divider” In a narcissistic family, there are possibilities for any one of the parents or both of them to be narcissists. Having a narcissistic parent might be upsetting when you realize all the love and care given by them has a selfish intent followed by narcissistic abuse. You grew up around them without even a single idea about narcissism and now, you are mature to see your true self after all the agony. Triangulation in the narcissistic family does not need to have an unknown persona and can be your sibling, parent, relative, or family friend. In the family triangulation scenario,…