As we know the types of people who become narcissistic enablers, let us delve into the information of how to deal with narcissistic enablers, especially to deal with parents who are narcissistic enablers.
The narcissistic enablers are the one who enhances the malicious traits in the narcissist by the means of overvaluation, attention-giving, and other narcissistic supply, worsening the abuse even more. The enablers of narcissists can have a pleasing, convincing, gossiping, empathizing, flying monkey, or even narcissistic personality that enables the narcissistic traits in others. Throughout your life, you may encounter a narcissistic enabler parent, sibling, friend, lover, or coworker who needs to be dealt with.
Enablers of narcissists are either persuaded by the narcissists or are aware of their characteristics and choose to support them. Either way, it is best to avoid the narcissistic enablers as equal to the narcissists as they can bring harm to your lifestyle. So, let’s delve in to see how narcissistic enablers are directed to hurt the victim and the ways to deal with them.
How do Narcissistic Enablers hurt you?
Not only the narcissists, but the narcissistic enablers can also hurt the victim by hoovering, manipulating, aiding smear campaigns, spreading gossip, and devaluing them in order to keep them in the relationship. Whether the behavior is deliberate or not, the victim is always harmed by the narcissist enablers.
For example, if a father is a narcissist and his wife is a narcissistic enabler who is unaware of her husband’s narcissistic personality, she will support, validate, and allow him to abuse their children. Furthermore, the narcissistic father can easily persuade the enabler mother to not support their children.
She might say,
“Your father beats you to raise you right”
“Parents always do things for their children”
“Never raise your voice against your father like that”
“It’s a shame that you were our kid”
“You will never be like your father”
In fact, the narcissistic enabler mother would prioritize the narcissist more than for her kids. In this way, the kids are pulled into a childhood trauma by their own parents.
Related: How do Parents originate narcissism in Kids?
A narcissist’s enabler is someone who is lonely and yearns for love and relationships. As a result, even the smallest amount of attention from a narcissist astounds them and causes them to surrender to the narcissist. Enablers for narcissists are a great source of supply as well as a primary tool for abusing the victim.
How to deal with the Narcissistic Enablers?
“A narcissistic enabler can be as dangerous and abusive as the narcissists”, say psychologists. A narcissist may use enablers as a flying monkey to hoover or Triangulate in order to gain control or to conduct smear campaigns and physical abuse on the victim. As with narcissists, one must exercise greater caution around narcissistic enablers too. Dealing with them as if they were the narcissist is the best way to protect yourself.
- Understand that the enablers are maneuvered
- Do not quarrel
- Answer in an uninterested way
- Disengage with them
- Invite trustable people into your life
- Build Boundaries
- Go no contact with both the narcissist and the enabler
are some of the crucial ways to deal with a narcissistic enabler.
Understand that the enablers are maneuvered
In the name of love, trust, or acting like a victim, narcissists manipulate narcissistic enablers in order to gain control over them and abuse the victim. Understanding this helps us to avoid the consequences or be prepared to deal with them.
Do not Quarrel
Picking a fight with a narcissist or a narcissistic enabler is a risky move that can quickly backfire. They can easily turn the situation around by gaslighting you or domineering you by abusing you more than usual. So, always try to stay calm and analyze the situation thoroughly.
Know about: How to support Children raised by narcissists?
Answer in an uninterested way
The enablers of narcissists speak to you in a way that causes you to overreact and respond abruptly. They do this on purpose to find a reason to fight you or destabilize your mental health. So, even if it hurts you, don’t give them what they want; instead, act uninterested and respond in simple words.
Disengage with them
Disengaging physically and mentally from a narcissist or narcissist enabler allows you to focus on your life and maintain social connections. Relationships with narcissistic enablers can feel addictive, so try to rehab your mind and prepare yourself to abandon the relationship. Limit your meetings, chats, and friendships with the narcissistic enabler. Keep yourself busy so that you can limit your access to narcissistic abuse and successfully disengage them.
Note: If you are trapped between a narcissist and enablers, We encourage you to use our Comment section to Vent out your emotions.
Have you ever experienced narcissistic abuse or currently experiencing one? Are you struggling to vent about that to anyone? Remember that venting to somebody who listens to you is the first step to healing. So, register here and vent to a listener who understands you.
Invite trustable people into your life
Distancing yourself from narcissistic enablers also allows you to form new social bonds. Take advantage of this opportunity to meet trustworthy people and have them close by to support you. Prioritizing such people makes the narcissistic enablers feel less valuable, which may leave you feeling at ease.
Build Boundaries
Boundaries are more important than ever in order to maintain healthy relationships. It’s not just for narcissists; it’s for everyone with a toxic personality. As a result, create boundaries that no one will be able to breach to harm you. If they cross your boundaries, develop the courage to say ‘No.’ Prefer your mental health over anything else, and you’ll be less likely to be exploited by narcissistic enablers.
Go No Contact
Should I go no contact with the narcissistic enabler too? Anything for your mental health, Going No Contact with a narcissistic enabler is just as beneficial as going No Contact with the narcissist. You can get away from narcissistic enablers’ blame-shifting, hoovering, flying monkey tactics, and smear campaigns.
Related: Does going No Contact is better than getting Discarded?
How to deal with the Narcissistic Enabler Parents?
When narcissistic abuse happens within the family, there must be a narcissistic enabler who validates the narcissist and continues the cruelty within the family. It is difficult to go no contact with the narcissist or narcissistic enabler if he/she is a family member. In a family, abandoning a narcissist might outrage the whole members and the narcissistic enablers, causing a big scene associated with abuse.
How can a parent be an enabler of a narcissist? A parent can become an enabler of another narcissistic parent or sibling by constantly validating or paying attention to the narcissist in order to keep him or her happy at all times. They are bound to the narcissist out of love or concern, but they choose to abandon the victim the narcissist despises.
The narcissist or narcissist enabler may also prevent you from bonding with your siblings. They create a competitive environment within the family, which leads to constant fights and jealousy among the siblings. To deal with the narcissistic enabler parent,
- Stay Calm
- Never expose the narcissist to the enabler
- Plan your Response
- Set Boundaries
- Avoid spending time with family
- Disengage
Stay Calm
Avoid getting triggered and fighting with the narcissistic enabler. They want to spread the narcissist’s perception of you throughout the family. As a result, picking a fight with them makes their job easier and gives them the upper hand. So, if at all possible, try to remain calm and ignore the situation.
Never expose the narcissist to the enabler
The narcissist enabler may curse you with words or beat you for talking ill about the narcissist. To them, the narcissist is the victim or the kindest person alive. So, going against their belief will put you in danger.
For example, if your mother-in-law is a narcissist, and your husband is a narcissistic enabler, exposing the narcissist to your husband will lead him to freak out and beat you mercilessly.
Plan your Response
While responding to a narcissistic enabler, they can escalate anything you say and create problems. So, try to respond simply and end the conversation quicker. This saves a lot of time and energy to focus on other things.
Set Boundaries
It’s difficult to set boundaries within a family, especially when there’s a narcissist and a narcissist enabler present. They will constantly try to push you past your limits to gain control of you. If you don’t give in, they’ll throw tantrums and blame you for their actions. Building boundaries around a family’s narcissistic enabler takes sheer willpower. If you manage to set and gently express your denial, the enablers and narcissists will probably let you away.
Avoid Spending Time with Family
Spending more time with narcissistic enablers raises the risk of narcissistic abuse by a proportional amount. So, avoiding the situations where you’d have to spend time with them is a better way to break the narcissistic bond. You can either ignore them or rationalize with them by demonstrating your busyness, going abroad for education, or anything else.
Disengage
Disengaging from narcissistic enablers allows you to mentally disconnect from the narcissistic bond and focus on your life. Only when you are truly disengaged from the narcissist and narcissistic enablers will you begin to heal.
Conclusion
Anyone can be subjected to narcissistic abuse and may be made worse by a narcissistic enabler. It’s best to treat both the narcissistic enabler and the narcissist equally and put yourself in the most secure position possible. Even if the narcissistic enabler is a family member, try to go No Contact if possible because it is one of the most effective ways to eliminate toxic people from your life.
