Narcissists often seem very confident and fearless. But have you ever wondered: what if they can feel fear too? It’s an interesting idea – the person who usually makes others feel afraid might actually be afraid themselves. But do they really face their fears? Let’s find out how to make a narcissist fear!
Narcissists may seem like they have it all together, but beneath their grandiose facade lies a dark secret: a deep-seated fear of inadequacy and vulnerability. So, how do you get the fear out of the abuser who frightened you for the time being?
Can Narcissist Feel Fear?
Yes, narcissists can feel fear, even if they don’t show it in the way most people do. Their abusive and controlling behavior often hides deep insecurities and fears that they try to mask with a strong or intimidating front.
A narcissist can be frightened in the same way as anyone else. However, narcissists may experience fear differently from others due to their exaggerated sense of self-importance and desire for admiration.
A study published in the journal Personality and Social Psychology Review found that narcissists were more likely to experience fear in response to threats to their self-esteem or ego, such as criticism or rejection, rather than physical threats or danger.
The study also found that narcissists may be less likely to seek social support in response to fear, as they may view it as a sign of weakness or vulnerability.
What do Narcissists Fear?
Narcissists are inherently afraid of anything that might expose their vulnerabilities and imperfections. Any situation or interaction that threatens to dismantle this carefully crafted persona is met with fear like the following,
- Rejection
Narcissists often fear being abandoned or rejected because their self-esteem depends on how others see them. If they feel someone is pulling away, it can trigger a sense of panic. - Failure
They might seem confident, but inside, they can be terrified of failure. Losing status, respect, or control over a situation can feel like a personal attack on their worth. - Being Exposed
Many narcissists create a “perfect” image of themselves. They fear that their flaws, weaknesses, or mistakes will be revealed, which could make them feel humiliated. - Loss of Control
Narcissists thrive on control. If they lose power over someone or something, it can leave them feeling vulnerable and scared. - Criticism
Even mild criticism can feel like a big threat to a narcissist. They fear being seen as “less than” or unworthy in the eyes of others.
How do Narcissists react to Fear?
Before we talk about how to make a narcissist afraid, let’s first warn you about how they might react when they feel scared.
When faced with fear—like rejection, failure, or criticism—narcissists often respond with defensive behaviors to protect their fragile self-esteem. Initially, they might react with denial, dismissing the threat or pretending it doesn’t bother them. If the fear deepens, they may escalate to anger, blaming others, or lashing out to regain control and dominance. This response helps them avoid confronting their vulnerability.
In extreme cases, their reactions can become abusive or manipulative, such as gaslighting, emotional outbursts, or even aggressive intimidation. Their goal is to shift the focus away from their fear and onto others, ensuring their image of superiority remains intact. These responses, while harmful to others, are a way for narcissists to shield themselves from feeling powerless or exposed.
Escape Narcissist’s Reaction to Fear
How to make a Narcissist Fear You?
Here are a few steps that can make a narcissist feel uncomfortable or fearful—not out of malice, but to help you maintain control and protect yourself. It is always better to make a narcissist back off from you!
1. Set Strong Boundaries
A Step that always comes first when dealing with narcissists. They fear losing control over others. By setting and sticking to firm boundaries, you show them they can’t manipulate or dominate you. For example:
“I won’t tolerate being spoken to disrespectfully. If it happens, I will leave the conversation.”
Setting boundaries is not just for narcissists, it’s a life skill that everyone needs to know to give others only limited access to your life. To other people, setting boundaries is a form of understanding whereas, to narcissists, it’s not. Narcissists fear boundaries.
2. Don’t Argue After Saying “No”
When you say “no” to a narcissist, they will often try to argue with you or wear you down into compliance. To avoid this, it’s important not to argue after saying “no” because that’s when they’ll start trying to convince you.
This is because, narcissists always use your opinions against you in the form of gaslighting and if you don’t argue after saying “no,” narcissists may fear that they’re losing control over you. They may become frustrated and try to manipulate you into changing your mind.
3. Withdraw Attention
Narcissists crave attention and validation. Ignoring their tantrums, silent treatments, or dramatic behaviors can make them feel powerless.
Practice the “gray rock” technique: be emotionally neutral, giving them nothing to feed off.
4. Don’t show empathy
Does the narcissist expect empathy from you? Yes, narcissists use empathy as a tool to gain attention and validation from their victims. Especially covert narcissists tend to use their vulnerabilities (let’s say, The narcissist cries whenever you want to fight them for their mistake) to the victim and get instant control as well as validation.
But if you stop showing the validation out of empathy, the narcissist might start getting the reality of their vulnerabilities and fear that their vulnerabilities won’t be validated by you.
5. Start Engaging with their Friends
Narcissists tend to show off themselves as great socializers by having more friends. But once you start socializing with their friends, they would start panicking and feel insecure about this. This is because narcissists claim to have friends who are close but they’re not. Friends always know about the narc and remember how the narcissist treated them.
Hence, you socializing with them would reveal the narcissist’s traits and might get exposed. Narcissists might also fear that they might lose their existing close friends to you and also may feel jealous of you.
6. Expose Their Behavior
Narcissists fear being exposed for who they truly are. Calmly pointing out their manipulative actions in private—or, if appropriate, in front of others—can unsettle them.
“You just contradicted what you said earlier. Can you explain?”
7. Act independent
Control is the greatest thing that drives narcissists and so, the abusive traits depend upon the control they want to have over you. However, if you get away from that line to act independently a bit, You can see the narcissist’s fear of losing that control.
Just say that when you start to do things in addition to what the narcissist wants you to do or say that you make plans without them, the narcissist gets triggered out of fear and tries to gain control back by all means.
8. Stay Calm and Confident
Narcissists feed on emotional reactions. Remaining calm and collected, especially during their outbursts, denies them the satisfaction of seeing you upset. This can frustrate or unsettle them.
9. Stop validating and Say the Truth
Validation is the best narcissistic supply that ensures the narcissist that they have control over the victim. When you stop validating them and start saying,
“No instead of Yes”
“This is wrong instead of You’re always right”
“This is better than yours instead of Nothing can be better than yours”
Now you can see the narcissist crumble in fear, anger and get insulted. However, the narcissist will either become more aggressive or demanding towards you to get the validation back. Just be sure not to get into trouble.
10. Surround Yourself with Support
Narcissists fear losing control over their “narrative.” When you involve others who see their behavior clearly, they may feel cornered.
Build a circle of supportive friends, family, or even professionals who can back you up.
11. Act Virtue and expect the same
It is challenging for a narcissist to prioritize ethical considerations over their own self-interest. They may act virtuously for gaining admiration, however, their desire for attention, grandiosity and feeling to be entitled for controlling others doesn’t let them act right all the time.
As a partner or friend of a narcissist, they expect you to support them and go along with their acts. But when you deny to do so and ask them to act in ethical ways, the narcissists take a step back.
Asking them to be virtuous is like asking them not to be a narcissist. It fears them as they survive with those traits for a long time manipulating everyone and doing things according to their way.
12. Enforce Consequences
Narcissists fear losing privileges or control. If you calmly enforce consequences for their behavior, they’ll realize you mean business.
“If you yell at me again, I will leave the house.”
Follow through consistently so they understand there’s a price for their actions.
13. Speak the truth with evidence
Narcissists are good at altering the truth and they do so in a variety of ways. They occasionally overstate the truth. At times, they downplay the seriousness of their errors. Other times, they distort the truth to satisfy their own agenda.
So, when you strictly speak about what it is with the right example, say a recorded voice note or a third-person victim you know the truth. They get fear since their aim to manipulate others fails and failing to project their own way of truth. A strong truth is a threat to narcissists.
14. Outshine Them in Their Area of Pride
Narcissists often thrive on being the “best” or the most admired in a specific area, like work, appearance, or social status. If you excel in something they value or gain recognition, it can shake their confidence.
Example: If they boast about their career, your success in a similar field (or even a different one) can make them uneasy.
15. Withhold Emotional Reactions
Emotions are what narcissists play with. They get happy seeing you experiencing a roller coaster of emotions because of them. Narcissists are people who love attention and when you don’t react emotionally to them, they may get upset or mad.
Withholding emotions makes narcissists feel their abusive tactics aren’t working anymore and that scares them. They fear that you’re getting resilient to their abuse and losing control over you.
16. Refuse to Be Blamed
Narcissists fear accountability and love shifting blame to others. When you stand firm and refuse to accept blame for something that isn’t your fault, it forces them to confront their own actions.
Example: Calmly say, “I don’t agree with that. This isn’t my responsibility, and I won’t accept guilt for it.”
17. Publicly Criticize
Narcissists think they are really important and don’t like it when people say mean things about them in front of others. When you criticize a narcissist in public, they may feel embarrassed or angry.
They might also worry that other people will think they are not as great as they believe themselves to be. The fear is that when you criticize narcissists, people will see who they are. This can be really scary for them because they want everyone to think they are the best.
18. Document Their Behavior
Narcissists fear losing control of their narrative. Keeping a record of their actions—whether through texts, emails, or written notes—can make them anxious, especially if they know it could be used to hold them accountable.
Example: Letting them subtly know, “I’ve kept records of our conversations to avoid misunderstandings,” can make them think twice before acting out.
19. Use Reality as a Weapon
Narcissists have big egos and think they are always right. When you show a narcissist the reality of a situation that doesn’t match up with their beliefs, they might feel scared or upset. When you successfully prove the narcissist’s opinion can be false, it triggers their fear and feels threatened by you.
They might not want to believe that they were wrong, so they might try to argue with you or find ways to prove that they are right.
20. Seek Support
When you have friends who support you instead of the narcissist, it can make them feel worried or upset. This is why narcissists always try to abduct the victim’s support as they can find flaws in them, support the victim, weakens the control over the victim and so.
Seeking good people by your side will be a good fearful tactic for a narcissist and good emotional support for you as well. Good allies help you stay out of abuse and might give a clear idea of the abusive situation. This spoils the abusive cycle of narcissists and that’s why narcissists don’t allow supportive people near you.
A Must to Read one before signing off…
While it’s not advisable to intentionally try to make a narcissist fearful, setting and enforcing healthy boundaries can help prevent them from taking advantage of you.
You now know that narcissists can feel fear. But remember, trying to hurt someone on purpose is never the right thing to do. Even if they hurt you, it’s better to take care of yourself and move forward.
You deserve to be happy and safe. So, take a step back from the narcissist and focus on your own life. You are strong, and you can heal. Keep moving forward, and know that you are worthy of love and respect.
