If you are a parent who adopted a child or is divorced and raising the child separately or a teacher who looks out for the student who exhibits odd behaviors as a result of previous experiences with narcissistic parents, this article is for you. Note some crucial points that help to support and guide a child who was raised by narcissistic parents.
Narcissism manifests into our life on various occasions like friendships, relationships, workplaces, politics, and families. But in a Kid’s life, the parents play a major role in introducing narcissism into their lives. The ways the kids experience narcissism through their parents are: over validation, neglect, gaslights, manipulation, abuse, blameshifts, comparison, and triangulation. So, supporting a child raised by a narcissistic parent needs a strong awareness of narcissism, studying the ways to guide them, and executing them right.
If you are afraid that the kid of the narcissistic parent might also be a narcissist, here is some good news for you. According to psychologists, narcissistic traits are present in children raised by narcissistic parents, but the personality develops and becomes a disorder only after the age of 18, sometimes longer.
So, with a proper amount of guidance, empathy, and love, one can support a child to heal from his/her trauma, leading them to a normal life.
Guide to supporting a child of narcissistic parents
How to support a child raised by a narcissist? To support and guide the kid who was raised by a narcissistic parent, a well-researched understanding of narcissism and certain good practices are required to curb the narcissistic traits radiating in them. So, during the mission to support the child raised by the narcissistic parent,
- Restrain the sense of entitlement
- Construct boundaries and restrictions
- Don’t criticize the narcissistic parent
- Be a calm parent
- Do not give up on them
- Limit the interaction with the narcissist
- Teach them empathy
- Give freedom to take decisions
- Train Personality development skill
- Finally, be ready to let them go on their own
are the ways to support a child to heal from the trauma bond with the narcissistic parent.
Restrain the sense of entitlement
It is common to see narcissistic traits in children of narcissistic parents, especially the state of feeling entitled. The child may get overvalued by hiding their shame if they are the golden child to the parents. The kid might seem to have high self-esteem and look down on others including you. Such children find it hard to adapt to situations and act rude to others to feel entitled.
So, be frank about the rude behavior and bullies in a gentle manner, and teach the child that he/she is not special and is the same as other kids.
Construct boundaries and restrictions
Set limits to the child to not cross it and discipline them in good habits, for e.g., limit the financial expenses, do not let them disrespect you, etc. Making them respect your boundaries helps them to set boundaries for themselves.
Don’t criticize the Narcissistic Parent in front of the child
You probably hate the narcissistic parent that leaves the child behind, but it is not advisable to criticize the narcissist in front of the child. Although the narcissist was being hurtful to the child, the child still may love the parent only for the good times he/she had with the narcissist during the manipulation and love bombing phases.
The innocent child is not aware of the narcissistic behaviors, and so, talking ill about the narcissist in front of them makes them feel disappointed in you and may lead to a conclusion that you are being rude and heartless.
Be a calm parent
Unlike life with a narcissist, the child must not feel the emotional roller coaster. Instead, the kid must feel safe and peaceful in your presence. To do that, give a calm composure, be liberal to their opinions, always listen to them, and give suggestions rather than giving orders. This makes them feel comfortable, be open about their feelings, and wish to stay with you.
Do not give up on them
At the moment, the child may feel like he/she lost everything in their life after their narcissistic parents. So, a sudden love and care from your side may feel fake and temporary. So, they try to push your limits to see your true face as like their previous narcissistic parent. Such kids need constant love and care from your side to prove to them you are different. So, get a hold of this idea and do not give up on them.
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Limit the interaction with the narcissistic parent
Not everyone can go no contact with the narcissist, some are bound by the law and things. So, try to limit the interaction between the narcissist and the child, without being violent. The narcissist one who threw away the victims will always come back playing the victim card. You may not be the one who falls for it, but the innocent child does. So, limit the interaction as much as possible. The narcissist will try to breach the limit sometimes which should be taken immediately with legal actions.
Teach them Empathy
Narcissists lack empathy and neglect to understand human emotions. If such traits are found in the child, show unconditional love, be cheerful around them, and do not hide your emotions with them. Express the sadness, love, happiness, upset, and the reason behind them. Make sure they acknowledge your emotions. Verbalizing your feelings helps them to understand your emotions, as a result, the child will develop good communication with you and start expressing their emotions too.
You might have witnessed the kids of narcissists being rude to toddlers and pets. To avoid such circumstances, bring in a pet and show them how to love them. The pets can be forever unconditional, even if you can’t keep them up at times.
Give freedom to make own decisions
Under the narcissists’ surveillance, the children will grow up being controlled and manipulated. As a result, the child will not have the space to make decisions of his own. Narcissists take away the freedom of their children by giving orders or solutions by themselves and turning them to be codependent.
So, giving them freedom of speech and decision significantly increases their decision-making skills. “A true love is not being codependent but being free”, teach them.
Train Personality Development Skills
If you are a teacher looking out for a student, this is the right chance for you to save the child raised by narcissistic parents. Conduct personality development programs or sessions among the students to progress every skill and get mature in the time of adolescents.
There are different ways to introduce personality development through parenting as well as education. Training PD to the kids is known to develop self-motivation, decision-making, problem-solving, empathy, teamwork, and socializing skills. So, parents who can’t be available all the time can seek personality development programs.
Be ready to let them go on their own
Have an open-minded character to give the best to the child. In order to do that, allow the kid to chase their dream, explore the world, hang out with friends, etc., So he/she can learn something through meeting random people, gain new experiences and have some personal growth.
Be understandable to the fact that you cannot/should not control anybody in the name of love and affection.
Final Thoughts
A piece of advice that you should probably take is that sometimes you might have to be prepared for the worst while raising a child of narcissistic parents. Since you cannot control everything, if the child persists in abusive behavior and wants to go back to the narcissist, better leave them with legal procedures for your safety. Let’s hope things turn out well for you!
