Life of Children with Narcissistic Parents

A child under the parenting of narcissists goes through a lot emotionally and physically. Any kid is less likely to know or recognize the toxicity of their parents and tends to experience pain, self-doubts, gaslights, abuse, etc., throughout their childhood. Now, let’s see how these children raised by narcissistic parents evolve as a character in the future.

Parenting plays a vital role in personality development for a kid to set a solid character in the next phase of their lives. Countless studies are here to prove the relationship between parenting and a kid’s character development. It’s what decides how the child evolves to become a virtuous person or not. Children of narcissistic parents, on the other hand, have a difficult time growing up and are more likely to get PTSD or become narcissists themselves.

It must be hurtful to see children possessing narcissistic behaviors, especially from their parents. The malicious traits will be inherited by the child either as a defensive method or as an admiration. However, not all children of narcissistic parents will become a narcissist but will exhibit some traits and patterns of narcissists.

Although most of the children who were raised by narcissists will have maladaptive traits, some survivors evolve within to become virtuous characters too. So, delve into the article to know more about how these children of narcissistic parents will transform to be in the future.

How do narcissistic parents want their children to be?

Even if they are their children, the narcissist will always look down on other people and strive to manipulate or control them to feel entitled. A narcissistic parent will treat their child in such a way that the child will feel emotionally empty and find it difficult to be stimulated. In the hands of narcissists, the child is unlikely to experience true love and affection.

In reality, the child may be harmed psychologically, physically, and emotionally, and may grow to be submissive to their toxic parents, which is exactly what the narcissist desires.

Narcissistic parents want their children to be submissive, give validation, and meet up with their needs and expectations while having no self-worth or boundaries of their own. If the children try to act on their wishes, the narcissistic parent will become enraged and abusive as a result of their refusal to surrender to them.

How do children of narcissists become in the future?

In constant exposure to the traits of narcissistic parents, a child will probably experience post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), anxieties, self-doubts, trust issues, and others.  This causes the child to become lonely, co-dependent, insecure, arrogant, rebellious, or even a narcissist as a survival tactic against narcissistic parents.

The type of narcissist with whom the child grew up has an impact on their change. The character of a child is defined by the features that he or she recognizes and learns from his or her parents in order to survive the abuse.

Know about: How narcissism comes into a Kid’s life?

Lonely Soul

When narcissistic parents demand validation from their children, they seek immediate attention from them, causing the children to neglect their needs. This significantly depletes their self-importance and as a result, they have low self-confidence, self-worth, and self-esteem.

The children of narcissistic parents will grow up in a competitive mode and are often trapped in a triangulation between either the siblings or another parent. They can never let you share love or affection with them and trap you in the triangulation to meet their needs.

Furthermore, narcissists will refuse to provide credit for the child’s accomplishments and may even put the child’s goals on hold in order to keep the youngster emotionally imprisoned. This makes the child feel suffocated and neglected for wanting to be happy about his/her accomplishments. They indeed have the audacity to grab away the kid’s freedom and will probably neglect the kid if he or she does not meet their needs.

As a result, the child of narcissistic parents will go solitary, depressed, hopeless, silent, introverted, and miserable.

Codependency is equal to submission

The narcissists teach their children to be reliant on them by completing all of the work ahead of time (even if it isn’t required) and then criticizing them for not doing anything. Subsequently, they would never give the freedom to be happy with friends or relations. As a result, the child will become co-dependent and will seek permission before making any modest decisions.

The narcissistic parent will also belittle the hard work, manipulate to divert the kid from achieving, or act dissatisfied just to make the child feel not good enough. Thus the self-doubt-filled child will be pleased or inclined toward the narcissists’ wish to not disappoint them.

Have you ever experienced narcissistic abuse or currently experiencing one? Are you struggling to vent about that to anyone? Remember that venting to somebody who listens to you is the first step to healing. So, register here and vent to a listener who understands you.

Insecure and attention-seeking

Narcissists do not instill moral ideals in their children because they are uninterested in personal development. Instead, the narcissist will exaggerate their physical appearance and make the child feel insecure about his/her body.

As a result, the kid will develop a lack of self-confidence in his or her physique, leading to seeking assurance from others. Yes, inflating their physical appearance in front of a child can lead to self-criticizing and feeling insecure. In such a way, the children will often be found engaged with their physical appearance and seek validation for approval.

Arrogant as a Malignant

Some children of narcissistic parents are found to be more extroverted, arrogant, and have inflated self-esteem. They exhibit perfectionism due to their narcissistic parents’ undying expectations and disappointments. This drives more anxiety, leading them to be more arrogant with other people.

Such kids are mostly raised by malignant narcissists who are extremely violent and rude towards the child. The child of a malignant narcissist will mostly inherit arrogant traits and project them on others too. Children like these are the ones who bully kids in school and colleges. The arrogant kid’s ultimate aim is to use violence to control others and feel entitled, just like their narcissistic parents.

As an outcome, such children of narcissistic parents could not stay in a healthy relationship or a workplace as they are rude towards others. Often, children like these end up being drug addicts and lack the motivation to have dreams, goals, personal growth, etc.

Replica of their narcissistic parents

If the narcissist has two kids, they will end up validating any one of their children and neglect the other one. This gets the neglected child depressed and lonely, whereas, the excessively validated child will develop high self-esteem and self-pride just as the narcissistic parents.

The narcissist-raised child will always be found to be academically successful to meet the narcissist’s expectations as well as protect dignity and self-esteem. Narcissists also teach the over-validated kid to hide their faults and shame by blame-shifting or lies. They also admire the abusive power of their parents to control their kids and attempt to abuse others.

The kid of a malignant narcissist will transform into a physically abusive person, whereas the child of vulnerable or covert narcissist will mostly transform into a covert narcissist. 

Learn: Why narcissistic students are academically successful?

Will children of narcissists only have negative traits?

The children of narcissists are more likely to inherit narcissistic traits to some extent. But some choose to become rebellious acknowledging the dark triad personality of their parents, breaking the abusive cycle in the family.

Rebellious or Survivors

At any point in their life, some children of narcissistic parents will be aware of the abuse, looking past the gaslights and manipulations. It may be the books, articles like this, friends, awareness campaigns, or psychologists that aids them to see the truth.

And from that, only a few choose to fight against the abuse by abandoning the narcissistic parents and rebelling against them. Some rebel narc survivors may hate the narcissists for their abusive nature and seek revenge. This is one of the absurd ways to get the survivor back into the narcissistic relationship and abuse even more. Remember that “Going no contact and getting success in your life” is the biggest revenge you could take against the narcissist. 

Such narcissistic abuse survivors may have trauma bonding and symptoms of PTSD but found a way to exit from the relationship. They are most likely to have anxiety and trust issues that are needed to be healed through personal growth.

In time, the narcissistic abuse survivors will heal from the past traumas and start focusing on their life journey, finding a deserved love, job, and developing a narc-free generation in the future.

Conclusion

The way of Parenting and its impact on a child’s life is far greater than people think. So, Udante asks on behalf of the survivors to give personality development to their kids, avoiding both abuse and over validation that has a negative influence on the kid’s personality. You might have gone through the abuse and been the rebellious one. So, take it slow to heal and proceed on with your life with empathy and kindness.