Have you ever found yourself staring at your phone, anxiously waiting for a reply that never comes? If you’ve dealt with a narcissist—especially a covert narcissist—you know how their text messages can feel like emotional rollercoasters. Through just a few words, they can control, manipulate, and destabilize your peace of mind.
Yet, when you need them the most, they suddenly vanish, ignoring your texts and leaving your emotions spiraling. Why do they do this, and how do they manage to wield so much power, even virtually?
Why do Narcissists use texting to abuse victims?
Covert narcissists often use texting as a powerful tool for control because it allows them to carefully craft their messages and manipulate without the immediate reactions or challenges that come with face-to-face communication. Through texts, they can be passive-aggressive, guilt-tripping, or ambiguous, leaving their victim confused or second-guessing themselves.
This medium lets them maintain power without revealing their true intentions, making it harder for the victim to recognize the abuse or respond effectively.
If texting is advantageous to the narcissist to this extent, then
Why does the narcissist ignore your texts when you need them the most?
Don’t they need to be texting to be abusive? So, does ignoring my texts mean they aren’t narcissists?
No, ignoring your texts doesn’t mean they aren’t narcissists. In fact, it’s a hallmark tactic many narcissists use. See why..
Why Do Narcissists Ignore Texts?
Ignoring texts is one of the narcissist’s favorite tools for control, and it can actually amplify their abusive tactics. When a narcissist ignores your text messages, especially when you care and in need of communication, it’s a deliberate act to achieve certain goals.
The abuse doesn’t always come from what they say or do—it can also come from what they withhold, like attention, empathy, or communication. This withholding can be just as damaging as overt acts of harm.
Narcissists Ignoring you when you need them most doesn’t mean they don’t want to abuse you; it’s often part of the abuse itself.
When they withhold from giving the bare minimum you ask for in the relationship, Your mental stability falls apart. Maybe that is why you are here.
The pain and confusion you feel when ignored are exactly what they intend to create—it keeps you unsettled and seeking their validation.
If you feel hurt, neglected, and controlled by their actions—even their silence—it’s worth trusting your instincts. Abuse isn’t only about constant engagement; it’s about how someone’s behavior (or lack of behavior) makes you feel.
When a narcissist ignores your texts, it’s not accidental or harmless—it’s often a calculated move to achieve several goals. While it can feel confusing and hurtful, understanding their motivations might help you see their behavior more clearly and protect your emotional well-being. Here’s what they often aim to achieve:
What if you ignore the Narcissist?
1. Asserting Power and Control
Ignoring your texts allows the narcissist to establish dominance. By withholding their response, they send the message that their time, attention, and emotions are more valuable than yours. This imbalance puts them in control of the relationship dynamic and leaves you feeling powerless and unsure of where you stand.
2. Punishing You
If they perceive that you’ve done something to upset or challenge them—like questioning their behavior, setting boundaries, or not giving them enough attention—they may ignore you as a form of punishment. This is a way to “teach you a lesson” and discourage behaviors they don’t like.
3. Creating Emotional Uncertainty
By ignoring you, they create confusion, anxiety, and self-doubt. You may start questioning yourself: “Did I say something wrong?” “Am I not important to them?” This emotional instability keeps you focused on them, as you desperately try to fix the situation and regain their attention.
4. Reinforcing Dependency
Ignoring your plays into a cycle of emotional highs and lows. When they eventually respond or re-engage, it feels like a relief, even if they don’t apologize or acknowledge the hurt they caused. This pattern keeps you emotionally hooked, craving their attention and approval, which deepens your dependency on them.
5. Testing Your Boundaries
The narcissist may ignore your texts to see how far they can push you. If you continue to reach out, apologize, or try to win back their attention, they see it as confirmation that they have power over you. This encourages them to keep testing your limits in other ways.
6. Avoiding Accountability
If the conversation involves issues where they feel criticized or exposed, they may ignore you to avoid responsibility. This allows them to sidestep any confrontation that might threaten their fragile ego or force them to address their behavior.
7. Protecting Their Image
Narcissists care deeply about how they’re perceived. By ignoring your texts, they can avoid situations where their facade might crumble. If they can’t control the narrative in the moment, they simply choose silence as a way to maintain their carefully crafted image.
8. Creating an Illusion of Superiority
By making you wait, they subtly imply that their time and attention are more valuable than yours. This silent rejection feeds their ego and reinforces their sense of superiority, making them feel “above” the need to respond to you immediately—or at all. Also imaging how proud they would feel upon knowing they had so much control over you even virtually.
How to respond to Narcissists after they start texting again?
When a narcissist ignores your text and then re-engages, especially as if nothing happened, it’s often an attempt to maintain control and avoid accountability. Your response is crucial, not just for managing the situation, but for protecting your emotional boundaries.
First, stay calm and resist the urge to immediately welcome them back or confront them emotionally. Respond neutrally and with emotional detachment.
For example, you might reply briefly, acknowledging their message but not engaging deeply: “Hi, good to hear from you.”
This shows you’re not overly affected by their silence or eager to jump back into their control.
If you feel ready to address the issue, do so assertively but without anger.
For instance: “I noticed you didn’t respond to my last message. Is there a reason for that?” This calmly calls out the behavior and shifts the dynamic, showing you’re aware of the pattern but not playing into it.
The key is to set boundaries. If they brush off your concerns or try to gaslight you, don’t get drawn into an argument. Instead, focus on protecting your peace. By responding in a measured way, you communicate that their silent treatment won’t unsettle you or compromise your self-worth.
But, the next time the narcissists ignore your text, consider if they deserve your response or not when they are back again!
How does a Narcissist React When you Block Them
An important endnote
I know it hurts deeply when someone you care about ignores you, especially when all you’ve wanted is understanding, respect, and connection. Feeling hurt by their silence is valid—it’s not “too much” or “unreasonable.”
The narcissist ignoring your texts is one way to hurt you. But, it is not the only way and more might come. Now is the time to pause and remind yourself of your own strength. You’ve already started recognizing the toxic patterns—that’s a huge step forward.
Remember, your worth isn’t tied to their texts, their attention, or their games. You deserve relationships where you are heard, valued, and cherished—not ones where you’re left questioning yourself.
Taking bold steps doesn’t mean you stop caring or suddenly become immune to the pain—it means choosing you. Always remember that.
