red flags Archives

10 Signs of Narcissistic Devaluation

sartaj manikandan1 year ago3 weeks ago013 mins

Are you tired of feeling like you’re never good enough? Do you feel trapped in a cycle of constant criticism and doubt? You’re not alone. Experiencing narcissistic devaluation can be a painful and exhausting experience. But here’s the truth: your suffering is not your fault. It’s time to break free from the toxic grip of narcissistic abuse and reclaim your sense of self-worth. Let’s get into the reality of what are narcissistic devaluations and how to identify those to protect yourself. What is a Narcissist Devaluation? Narcissistic devaluation happens when a narcissist begins to diminish or undermine someone they were once idealizing. At first, they may have made you feel special, loved, or deeply admired, often called the “idealization phase.” However, as time passes, they might start to criticize, belittle, or withdraw affection. This shift isn’t about you; it often reflects their deep insecurities and need to feel superior by controlling how others see themselves. The impact of devaluation is particularly harmful because it happens after the idealization phase, which can create confusion. Victims often question, “What did I do wrong?” or feel the need to regain the narcissist’s approval. This emotional rollercoaster can lead one (victim) to self-doubt, anxiety, and even a loss of personal identity. Types of Narcissistic Devaluation Signs Recognizing Narcissistic devaluation is challenging because it’s subtle at first. Because, narcissists are skilled at making their actions seem reasonable. You might not see it as “devaluation” but as moments of tension or normal relationship struggles. But, Over time, the abusive patterns emerge, and you should keep an eye on those devaluations to safeguard yourself from the abusive cycle. These aren’t random but deliberate ways to keep control. So, Keep watching for the below signs or narcissist redflags. The following are the Devaluation red flags/signs of a narcissist, 1. Emotional and Verbal Abuse One of the clear indications of devaluation is when the narcissist starts to pick at you, insult you, and put you down. They may constantly make fun of you or belittle your accomplishments. This emotional and verbal abuse is aimed at demoralizing you, making you feel unworthy, and ensuring that you never speak up when they violate your boundaries. Recognizing this behaviour as a sign of devaluation is crucial for your self-esteem and mental health. 2. Gaslighting Gaslighting involves distorting your reality to make you question your perceptions. A narcissist might deny things they said or did, making you feel like you’re imagining things. They do things that can hurt you and might even accuse you of forgetting things they deliberately never told you, saying, “I told you about this; you just weren’t paying attention.” Over time, you may start doubting your memory or sanity, feeling as though you can’t trust your own mind. This tactic serves to confuse you, weaken your confidence, and make you more dependent on their version of events, where they always come out blameless. 3. Blaming You for Their Problems Another devaluation tactic is making you responsible for their failures or bad moods. If they’re unhappy or something goes wrong, they’ll twist the situation to make it seem like your fault. For example, they might say, “If you hadn’t distracted me, I wouldn’t have made that mistake.” This not only deflects accountability from them but also leaves you feeling guilty for things you didn’t do, further eroding your sense of self. In a healthy relationship, both partners take responsibility for their actions. However, narcissists rarely own up to their behaviour and blame or gaslight you for that. 4. Silent Treatment One common tactic narcissists use is the silent treatment. As the devaluation phase progresses, narcissists may withdraw emotionally and physically. They may suddenly stop speaking to you, ignoring your presence as if you don’t exist. They may become distant and show a lack of interest in spending time with you or engaging in activities together. This can leave you feeling invisible, confused, and desperate to “fix” whatever you think went wrong. The silence is not about resolving conflict—it’s about control. By withholding communication, they shift the power dynamic entirely in their favor. 5. Intense Criticism and Nitpicking During the devaluation stage, narcissists often engage in excessive criticism and nitpicking. They may find fault with everything you do or say, no matter how trivial. This constant criticism is meant to diminish your confidence and self-esteem. It’s important to remember that their criticism is not a reflection of your worth or abilities. 6. Manipulative Behavior Narcissists are skilled manipulators. They may use various tactics to control and manipulate you during the devaluation phase. These manipulative behaviours can include gaslighting, guilt-tripping, love-bombing followed by withdrawal, and playing mind games. Recognizing these manipulative tactics can empower you to break free from their toxic influence. 7. Sabotaging Your Happiness Narcissists often find ways to ruin your good moments. If you’re excited about an achievement or enjoying time with friends, they might create drama, criticize you, or bring up unrelated issues to shift attention back to themselves. According to them, you shouldn’t have your own life. Every moments in your life should be associated and controlled through narcissist. Hence, This can make you feel afraid of getting joy and stuck up forever with the narcissist as they are discouraging you from seeking joy outside of the relationship. By doing this, they ensure that your focus remains on them and their needs by drinking down the throat. 8. Triangulation and Jealousy Another subtle way narcissists devalue you is through triangulation. Narcissists become increasingly jealous of your skills, strengths, and experiences. So, they may start comparing you to others, creating a competitive rivalry within the relationship. They may bring a third person into conversations, praising them excessively or comparing you unfavorably. For example, they might say, “Why can’t you be more like [person]?” This creates feelings of jealousy and inadequacy while distracting you from their own shortcomings. Read more about Narcissistic Triangulation 9. Discarding and Hoovering The discard phase occurs when the narcissist decides to…

cover image representing, See how narcissists reacts when you break their control

How Narcissists React when they can’t Control You?

Dante2 years ago2 years ago016 mins

Are you tired of constantly feeling controlled and manipulated by a narcissistic individual in your life? It’s time to change things to right. Break their controlling cycle and discover how narcissists react when they can’t control you. Narcissists are individuals who have an inflated sense of self-importance and an excessive need for admiration and attention. In order to attain those, they need a sense of control over others. So, narcissists exploit those in their lives by manipulating and showing no empathy for them to gain control over them. In relationships, this can manifest as attempts to dominate and control their partners through tactics such as gaslighting, bullying, and coercion. It’s important to recognize these patterns of behavior and seek help in addressing them if you are in a relationship with a narcissistic individual. Before getting into the article, we want you to know this platform is a community for Narcissists survivors where you can vent out your emotions through the comment section of our articles you relate to. You can either comment and respond to the people you relate to and also register with Udante if you want to have a private and friendly conversation with us for free. Why do Narcissists control others? Narcissists want to control others to maintain a sense of power and to regulate their own insecurities and self-esteem. By controlling their environment and the people in it, they can avoid feeling vulnerable and ensure that they always receive the admiration and attention they crave. Additionally, control allows them to manipulate situations to their advantage and avoid being held accountable for their actions. By exerting control, narcissists can also feed their sense of superiority and assert their dominance over others. How do Narcissists feel when they control others? When a narcissist is able to control others, they often feel a sense of power, validation, and superiority. This reinforces their belief in their own grandiose sense of self-importance and further fuels their need for admiration and attention. It is worth noting, however, that this sense of satisfaction is typically short-lived and also wants more. So, the need for control often becomes a vicious cycle that is difficult to break. It is possible that the act of controlling others releases dopamine in the brains of narcissists. Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that is associated with feelings of pleasure, reward, and motivation. Controlling others can be a pleasurable and rewarding experience for narcissists as it reinforces their sense of power, superiority, and self-importance, leading to a release of dopamine in the brain and making the behavior more addicting. How do Narcissists react when they can’t control others? When a narcissist can’t control you, it brings out their inner insecurities. Narcissists when their self-esteem and pride get failed leading them to get anxious and feel defeated. Hence, they may react in any of the following ways Become Angry Birds When they can’t control someone, it is common for narcissists to react with frustration and anger when their attempts at control are challenged, as their sense of superiority is often tied to their ability to control others. When their sense of superiority is threatened, they may lash out in anger, either through verbal or physical aggression, or passive-aggressive behavior. This reaction is often rooted in a need to reassert their dominance and regain control. Malignant and grandiose narcissists are more likely to react in this way. Gets Disappointed in the Core They may feel frustrated and inadequate when they can’t control a situation, leading to feelings of disappointment. This can be particularly challenging for them as their self-pride gets down and the feeling of grandiosity drops. Some narcissists may have a greater need to control others as a means of regulating their own emotions and insecurities. When they are unable to do so, they may experience greater levels of disappointment. Withdrawal from everything In some cases, they may withdraw from the situation and avoid any further interaction if they feel that their attempts at control have failed. This can involve physically withdrawing from the situation, such as leaving the room or ending a conversation, or it can involve emotional withdrawal, such as becoming distant or unresponsive. This can be a way for them to avoid facing their own limitations and inadequacies. On the other hand, they do withdraw in the form of ghosting. This helps narcissists to regain attention and control over you. By ghosting you, the narcissist can communicate their dissatisfaction and exert a passive form of control. Shameless gets shame If their attempts at control are publicly exposed or challenged, they may experience feelings of shame and embarrassment. Their sense of superiority is often tied to their ability to control others, and when this is challenged, they may feel a deep sense of humiliation. Narcissists may try to hide their feelings of shame by rationalizing their behavior and shifting the blame onto others. Below reactions by narcissists is the cause of the excess shame, they feel when they can’t control you. Denial as if nothing happened Denial is a common defense mechanism used by narcissists, and it can be a barrier to growth and change. Narcissists deny that they have failed to control you and experiencing negative emotions. For example, imagine a narcissist is told by a friend that they were rude and dismissive during a conversation. Instead of admitting that they might have acted inappropriately, the narcissist may say something like, “I was just having a bad day, you’re overreacting.” Projection to protect them They may project their own feelings and behavior like, accusing you of trying to control them or of having the same motivations that they themselves have. In such cases, the narcissist will point out you as the problem rather than admit their controlling attempts. The narcissists might say “It was you who trying to control me”. In another instance, if a narcissist is unable to convince someone to do what they want, and instead of accepting that they were not successful in exerting their control, they blame the…

image of Two skeleton kissing each other saying "What happens when two narcissists date"

How do Two Narcissists Live in a Relationship?

Dante2 years ago2 years ago010 mins

A Narcissistic couple may look like having a joyous and romantic life together, but you may not know the dark truth that happens. Let’s look at what happens when two narcissists date and how two narcissists live in a relationship. A narcissist is a person with a personality disorder characterized by excessive self-love and self-obsession. In relationships, narcissistic individuals may initially seem charming and attentive, but their true colors soon surface as they prioritize their own needs above their partner’s and have a lack of empathy for others. They may use love as a tool to manipulate and control their partner, leading to unhealthy and unequal dynamics in the relationship. Before getting into the article, we want you to know this platform is a community for Narcissists survivors where you can vent out your emotions through the comment section of our articles you relate to. You can either comment and respond to the people you relate to and also register with Udante if you want to have a private and friendly conversation with us for free. Can Two narcissist Fall in Love? Yes, it is possible for two narcissists to form a relationship. However, their relationship is likely to be tumultuous and marked by manipulation, control, and a constant struggle for power. As both partners prioritize themselves above the relationship, there may be a lack of intimacy, emotional depth, and mutual support. These factors can contribute to the relationship’s instability and ultimately lead to its demise. How do narcissists fall in love with each other? Two narcissists may love each other because they see themselves reflected in each other and feel validated by the relationship. They may also find each other to be a source of supply, fulfilling their need for admiration and attention. Narcissists may be attracted to other narcissists because they see a reflection of themselves in the other person and feel validated by the relationship. They may also find each other to be a source of supply, fulfilling their need for admiration and attention. Additionally, both partners may enjoy the power dynamic in the relationship, with each trying to control the other. The relationship may become a competition for who is the superior one, with both partners seeking to assert their dominance. Relationship Between Two Narcissists When two narcissists date and become a narcissistic couple, it can turn into a tumultuous and volatile experience for both parties and eventually collapse. When two narcissists fall in love, they may initially feel it to be a thrilling and intense experience. They may idealize each other and see the relationship as a perfect match. However, as the relationship progresses, the power struggles between the two individuals become increasingly evident. Despite the harm it causes to both partners, they may struggle to leave the relationship too. So, this will increase the duration of this narcissistic relationship prolonging. What happens when two narcissists date? When two narcissists fall in love, they may initially react in the following ways: Idealization: They may idealize each other and see the relationship as a perfect match, with both individuals sharing a grandiose sense of self-importance. Mutual Mirroring: They may engage in mutual mirroring, where they both reflect and amplify each other’s positive traits, leading to a heightened sense of validation and self-esteem. Intense Attraction: The combination of idealization and mutual mirroring may result in an intense attraction between the two narcissists. Power Struggles: As the relationship progresses, the power struggles between the two individuals may become increasingly evident. Each partner may try to assert their dominance and control over the other. Manipulation: In an effort to maintain control, they may engage in manipulation, trying to control their partner’s emotions and thoughts. Emotional Abuse: The toxic dynamics of their mutual Narcissistic Personality Disorder can result in emotional abuse, with each partner trying to undermine the other’s sense of self-worth. Difficulty Leaving: Due to their strong need for validation and control, they may struggle to leave the relationship, despite the harm it causes to both partners. We can classify this whole period of the Relationship between two narcissists into two different phases namely Sweet Phase and the Toxic Phase. Sweet Phase of a Narcissistic Couple The initial phase of a relationship between two narcissists can be described as Sweet Phase and it is intense and exhilarating. Both individuals may feel a strong attraction to each other due to their mutual self-absorption and grandiose sense of self-importance. Since they share mutual personality traits, they may feel like they are made for each other, however, this excitement is often short-lived. As the relationship progresses, the toxic dynamics of their mutual Narcissistic Personality Disorder can become increasingly evident, leading to the collapse of the relationship. Toxic Phase of a Narcissistic Couple The toxic phase of a relationship between two narcissists is characterized by power struggles, manipulation, and emotional abuse. As the initial excitement of idealization and mirroring fades, the relationship becomes increasingly hostile, with each partner trying to assert their dominance and control over the other. The relationship becomes an endless cycle of emotional abuse, with each partner trying to undermine the other’s sense of self-worth and control their behavior. Ultimately, this toxic dynamic can lead to the end of the relationship, causing significant emotional damage to both individuals. During this Toxic phase, there occurs more drama, aggression, fights, manipulations, and so on. We can witness a whole Narcissist vs Narcissist battle. Read to know about Fights between different types of narcissists Ending with a Note It’s important to note that individuals with narcissistic traits can experience significant personal growth and improvement with proper therapy and self-reflection. However, without effort to change, a relationship between two narcissists is likely to be unstable and may eventually end in disappointment and heartbreak. Also, narcissists possess no will to change and are renowned for lacking self-growth. So, try to avoid getting included between a narcissistic couple as it can be exhausting and abusive as…

35 narcissistic red flags you missed out

35 Narcissistic Red flags Checklist

Dante3 years ago2 years ago041 mins

Identifying the narcissist at an earlier stage is not something that always happens. Survivors wish they knew about the red flags of the narcissist earlier and avoided the narcissist. But it isn’t that easy to find snakes in the forest, isn’t it? This article lists the narcissistic red flags for you to resemble your past, learn in the present, and be ready for the future. Red flags of a narcissist are often neglected by the people’s ignorance and love for the person. The one who ignores the red flags is the one who gets trapped in an abusive relationship. Since narcissists are masters at manipulating you and hiding their noxious secrets, ignoring the red flags isn’t your fault. Apart from all that, you are now looking for solutions, learning about narcissism, and healing from those abusive experiences. Let’s spread awareness about the narcissistic red flags and help the community avoid narcissists. What are narcissistic red flags? For people who wonder what this is, Narcissists cannot hide their true selves forever, and so, within the time being, their behavior will get exposed either by themselves or through the circumstances. Knowing about narcissistic red flags will help you indicate the narcissist far quicker and evade an abusive relationship. What are the red flags of a narcissist? We are delving into several red flags you probably encountered before or may experience in the future. So, take note or download the narcissistic red flags checklist given below to refer to it throughout your life. Just a reminder, if you find any narcissistic red flags here relevant to what you have experienced, feel free to vent it on the comment section. This platform is for you to vent out your emotions. Let’s share our thoughts and help the community. Note the red flags given in this article, analyze the person, and note it on the checklist if you have doubts like “Am I dating a narcissist?” “Are my parents narcissists?” “Why am I getting traumatic experiences around the people I love?” “Are my friends toxic?” 1. The look of Narc’s friends on you Narcissists most likely don’t bring their friends to your life. But if they tend to do, the narcissist probably wants to exhibit their socializing skills. On such occasions, narcissists’ friends’ eyes will tell stories about your narc’s past. It’s not the eyes of the narc’s friends that hate you but surprisingly, they see you in a pitying manner. If you looked closely, you could feel the doubts in their mind, like, “How does she even end up with him?” You know that they knew something about your Narc partner, and that is how the friends of narcissists are. 2. Have very low to zero friends There are different types of narcissists but possess similar abusive patterns. The only difference is their personality and red flags. The grandiose and malignant narcissists usually have more friend circles to get the center of attention between others. But covert or vulnerable narcissists keep their traits hideous by having no one around them. Such narcissists treat their friends so badly that no one wishes to stick with them. Even though they claim to have friends, they won’t let you interact with them. If you tried to interact, you could feel that the friends are not even close and rarely even acquaintances. 3. Doesn’t like your friends Narcissists hate the victim with support. So, they manipulate you to give full attention to them, leaving your friends behind. They often refuse to interact with your friends and project them as toxic ones. Narcissists fear your friends’ questioning eyes and get anxious knowing that you have external support. 4. Double standards for the friends of the opposite sex Narcissists are very good at triangulating people and playing with their emotions. They intentionally introduce someone of their opposite sex and make you feel jealous. But in your case, you just cannot even introduce a genuine friend of the opposite gender to the narcissist. If that happens, the narcissist will try to project you as a cheater by saying, “Oh, who’s that guy you are close with? Are you planning on cheating me?” “You are flirting with her like she’s your girlfriend.” Narcissists do this as they want them to be the only opposite gender you must rely on. This is one of the crucial narcissistic red flags to notice; otherwise, they would spoil your whole friend circle of yours. 5. Never hangouts with your people If you are in a relationship, you are probably dreaming of a future with your partner, and that’s what love is. But narcissists do not see any future with you despite seeing you as a controlling toy. So, engaging with your people can lead to trouble in the future. To avoid this, narcissists avoid hanging out with people close to you, especially your family. So remember this red flag, One who is not ready to meet your people does not wish your life to be good either. 6. Dislikes anything you like When you start dating a narcissist, it looks like everything goes as you intend to be. They resonate with whatever you like and project it as you both have a lot in common. But in time, the red flag will appear right in front of you. The narcissist will always dislike anything you like; for example, if you like a popular show and so does everyone, the narcissist won’t. The narcissist will ask you to change your perceptions to what they like; otherwise, they refuse to spend time with you. This act of the narcissist is to test their control over you, especially at the beginning of the abuse. (Mention what your narcissist likes in you at first but dislikes later in the comments). 7. Monologues about themselves Narcissists can hide anything but not their…