How does it feel like to be in a narcissistic friendship? Having a friendship with a narcissist can also be conniving, abusive, toxic, hurtful as any narcissistic relationship. When the bond gets stronger, one might experience similar abusive patterns as in other narcissistic relationships.
Narcissists are self-centric with high self-esteem and an elevated sense of entitlement. To feel entitled, they seek immense validation and attention from people around them. To get a non-stop validation supply, they develop relationships with people around them and choose to play with their emotions. They follow harmful tactics from the narcissistic abusive patterns to feel the power to control others.
Yes, narcissists don’t see anyone as a friend, acquaintance, partner, or family, but as a mere source of supply to fill their needs. So, if you think you are having a good friendship with a narcissist, you’re not.
How can a narcissist have so many friends?
Narcissists can develop friendships with many people in a short time as they have the ability to exhibit themselves as having good social skills, being attractive, and possessing similar interests with others. Although these aspects may be falsely showcased by narcissists, people find them charming and engaging at the first sight.
Narcissists look more social with others, but they share personal info only if it meets their agenda. However, these friendships cannot stay longer once the narcissists’ traits come to the public’s eyes.
What is a narcissistic friend?
A narcissistic friend is one who possesses the narcissistic trait or is diagnosed to have a narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). He/she has malicious tactics like gaslighting, manipulating, abusive, etc., and often end up ruining the friendship. It is advised to not have a stronger friendship bond with the narcissists.
How to indicate a narcissistic friend?
Narcissistic friendship will be more vicious when the bond gets stronger. So, it is better to figure them out earlier. So, look out for the following traits to confirm your friend is a narcissist.
- They always seek attention and validation
- Will insult you in a group but doesn’t like to be insulted
- Always gossips about others’ personal life
- Wants to be a primary/only friend with you
- Won’t give up an argument until they win
- Doesn’t appreciate or give credit for your success
- Flirts with you even if they are in a relationship
- Always justify their action
- Reminds you of what they have done for you
are the things you should note if you doubt that your friend is a narcissist.
Who can have a friendship with narcissists?
Researchers say narcissists find people with similar toxic personalities interesting to have friendships with. They are attracted to the people who are similar to them in their main personality domains. With such people, narcissists can have a friendship that goes for a long period although it is toxic enough. This case is applicable when the narcissistic friendship is moderate.
When the narcissistic friendship becomes closer, it is more likely to end soon unless the victim is submissive, pleasing, and has other weak personalities.
Give a Read: Types of people who stay longer with the narcissists
How are narcissists hurtful in friendships?
Narcissists are always jealous of others even though they have plenty of resources to be happy. They envy our credibility, ability to have a healthy relationship, and social skills with others. A narcissistic friend wants you to give all your good abilities to them with nothing in return. This is why you always feel exhausted with a narcissistic friend.
As we stated before, narcissistic friendships turn hurtful when the bond becomes closer. Similar to any narcissistic relationship, a friend will also possibly undergo the abusive pattern with a narcissist. The common malicious acts a narcissist will do to you are
- Cuts your Friend Circle
- Ruin your Relationship
- Use you as a flying monkey tool
- Develop intimacy in a friendship
- Trap you in friends with benefits
Cuts friend circle
Narcissists are always conscious of not being exposed. So, they want their victims to avoid venting to others about what they are going through. When the toxic traits of the narcissist get exposed to the public, the fantasy of living entitled forever comes to an end. This is an absolute nightmare to the narcissists which leads to narcissistic rage and being more abusive towards the victim.
So, narcissists always want the friends of victims out of the narcissistic bond. To do that, firstly, they compare the victim with his/her friends to make the victim feel insecure. As a result, the victim starts diminishing the friend circle and is finally cut off.
Ruining relationships
As stated before, narcissists envy others’ belongings. It can be an extrinsic resource, skills, personality, relationship, and whatnot. They fantasize that they are the ones who deserve to have those, else, not the victim. So, they seek to exploit the relationship by bombarding with hate comments, criticizing the relationship, spreading rumors, and even going to an extent to make the friend’s partners theirs.
Narcissists are great risk-takers and that is why they go to any extent to acquire what they want.
Give a Read: Risk-taking Narcissists are more successful in careers.
Use as a flying monkey
The right question is, how do narcissists use their friends? Narcissists are very fond of gossip and conducting smear campaigns over others. So, they use friendships as a tool to spread gossip or conduct smear campaigns to ruin the credibility of the victim. Additionally, they also use friends as a flying monkey to hoover back or gaslight the victim.
As a friend, you might be not aware of being a flying monkey to the narcissist, instead, thinking that you are actually helping them. Apart from that, there are chances that the narcissist’s friend also has a toxic personality (or maybe a narcissist too). In such cases, the flying monkeys intentionally hurt or gaslight the victim.
Developing intimacy in a friendship
This is the most crucial tactic that narcissists might follow in a closely bound friendship. If the narcissist finds the friend to be worthy of narcissistic supply, they exit the friend zone and seek a relationship with the friend. Initially, they start flirting with their friend and try to manipulate them to fall in love with the narcissist.
“We are not friends, we are more than that”,
“We are supposed to be soulmates”,
“I love you, just kidding”,
“I want a person like you to marry”,
Starts calling “darling”, “my love”, etc.,
Asking “If I was your girlfriend, would you feel happy?”
are the dialects narcissists use to lure you into a relationship. This gives a mixed feeling when you are in a narcissistic friendship. On the constant manipulation, you may fall in love or become obsessed with the narcissist. If that happens, narcissists have full power to control your actions and initiate the narcissistic abuse on you.
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Friends with benefit Narcissists
Coming to the next crucial one, when the narcissist is having a “friends with benefits” type connection with you (others’ view) but you are here manipulated to think of having an intimate relationship with the narcissist. The relationship will always feel one-sided and you were the one who loved them.
The narcissist describes the relationship to his/her friend group as “friends with benefit” behind your back. The reason is, the narcissist wants to feel proud or entitled within the friends’ group by having “friends with benefit” with you.
Realizing this might shatter you and break you into pieces. If you confront the narcissist for luring you into friends with benefit, they do not care for your emotions for a bit and say “I’m sorry, you feel like we are in a relationship, I always meant it to be friends with benefit”.
How to leave narcissistic friendship?
Yes, leaving a narcissistic friendship might feel like leaving the narcissistic relationship. However, going distant or having no contact is the best action to sever a narcissistic bond or friendship.
- Have confident and empathetic friends around you
- Answer subtly
- Don’t react much and speak in an uninteresting way
- Strengthen yourself into falling for gaslights
- Be courageous and say “No”
- Don’t fall for the flying monkeys
- Build boundaries that no one could cross
- Have self-worth
- Leave the narcissistic friend unnoticed
Following these steps help you heal, prevent abuse, and leave the narcissists successfully.
At the End
If you are reading this article, there is a high chance that you may be a victim of a narcissistic friendship. So, don’t think you are alone suffering in silence. There are survivors who came out of narcissistic abuse and are living the best of their lives. If they could pull that, you can too.
Analyze the abusive patterns of the narcissistic friend, and never react much to their actions. Maintain distance, go no contact if possible and the narcissist might leave you finally in peace.
FAQs
Q1. How do I know if my friend is a narcissist?
- They always seek attention and validation
- Will insult you in a group but doesn’t like to be insulted
- Always gossips about others’ personal life
- Wants to be a primary/only friend with you
- Won’t give up an argument until they win
- Doesn’t appreciate or give credit for your success
- Flirts with you even if they are in a relationship
- Always justify their action
- Reminds you of what they have done for you
are the things you should note if you doubt that your friend is a narcissist.
Q2. How do narcissists hurt their friends?
- Cuts your Friend Circle
- Ruin your Relationship
- Use you as a flying monkey tool
- Develop intimacy in a friendship
- Trap you in friends with benefits
are the ways narcissists try to hurt their friends.
Q3. How do narcissists cut off our friend circle?
Narcissists always want the friends of victims out of the narcissistic bond. To do that, firstly, they compare the victim with his/her friends to make the victim feel insecure. As a result, the victim starts diminishing the friend circle and is finally cut off.
Q4. How do narcissistic friends ruin our relationship?
Narcissistic friends exploit the relationship by bombarding with hate comments, criticizing the relationship, spreading rumors, and even going to an extent to make your partner theirs.
